I have a secret...

I LOVE GOSPEL MUSIC!

Thanks to Dante at the Best Buy Mobile installation place, who has no idea what he's started, I give you my new favorite gospel song... enjoy!

Taking my own advice...

David and I were honored to give talks at the Lake Charles Diocesan Youth Conference this weekend (while various groups of awesome people watched all four of our kidlets), David on Mary and I on self-worth. It was quite therapeutic, because I chose to go the route of telling my own story of discovering self-worth rather than a more conceptual approach (per the advice of my husband, who, as many of you know, is an incredibly gifted speaker).

I will spare you the details of the story, except maybe some pictures that I found to give the girls a visual of the junior high and high school, and college Kate...

Anyway, I ended the talk with some advice, that I realize I must use myself, lest I loose my way and stop clinging to Christ:

1) Date Jesus - in the same way you would work on a relationship with someone, talk to him, journal to him, Visit Him (Adoration), spend time with Him, read His love letters to you (Scripture), ask forgiveness of Him (Reconciliation).

2) Surround yourself with women who also love Christ- we live in a society where women, who call themselves friends, are in constant competition with one another for the attention of others (mostly men), and who try to one-up each other. Make it a point to pray for your friends and for their holiness, and spend time with friends who encourage and support you rather than compete with you.

3) Avoid Chick-flicks and Secular Music (or avoid most of those things)- When we expose ourselves to these, we get an unrealistic view of what love is. We place expectations on ourselves and on our husbands (boyfriends/men) to be someone that doesn't really exist. I notice that when I watch some of my old fav's - The Noteboook, in particular- I found myself disappointed in David for not being more like Ryan Gosling (who's character doesn't really exist and whose marriage was mostly fighting and one particular way to make up, which is pretty unhealthy)

You can imagine that the girl's hands went wild with possible exceptions : The Vow, Fireproof, A Walk to Remember, etc - which I responded, "I'm not saying to never watched any story that involves "one guy and one girl", I only mean to plant the seed of vigilance. Read about it before you watch it, change the radio station to something more positive, etc etc.

Why is this advice still applicable? Because If I am not following my own advice, then I will 1) Drain David for attention and love that ultimately does not satisfy my need for love and self-worth like my Creator can provide. 2) I place unrealistic expectations on myself and my husband to be someone I'm not, and I also am tempted to use my husband for my own selfish pleasure (physical OR emotional). 3) If I am not constantly seeking the very heart of Christ, then I lose my source of life and become drained, angry, short-tempered, and selfish. 

I should give talks more often, my family would certainly benefit! 

Pics from the phone...

 I have no camera. This makes it difficult to show the world how cute our children are. So here are a couple from my phone in the last month...

 The three big kids during the ice days.

















Jacob Joseph. 2 1/2 and needing a trim.

David and John Paul building a lego ship that is 500 pieces. It starts...

And finally. My super heroes! Just before this picture came this converstaion: T: John Paul come lie down. We're married so we can sleep in the same bed (her latest facination- ruh roh). John Paul: No, we can't! We're not married. Super heroes don't get married. Therese: Mama can super heroes get married? Me: I'm pretty sure. I think Spider man was married. Therese: Good- I'm Black Widow, so call me Black Widow, but we're married John Paul, so we can sleep in the same bed. So come to bed.

You can't tell, but she 1) will be only 4 in 2 days despite her super tall self and 2) cut her own hair yesterday, she's got some pixy bangs. "I'm not even angry, I'm impressed" - Ron Burgundy

And then there's our sweet sweet Micah Man. 9 1/2 months and finally only waking up once or twice!! Love this little man... who's slapping my legs to get off this blasted computer!

An honest confession...

I haven't fasted in almost 7 years...
I have made the excuse that I am either pregnant or nursing, and so I HAVE to go on eating whatever I darn well please because I'm feeding someone else ( I mean, a third piece of cake isn't for me, it's for the baby).

I am not a naturally compassionate person...
When I see that my kids or my husband are sick, my heart doesn't stir toward serving them in their need, it stirs with an ache in the realization that I may not sleep well that night.

I am a yeller...
I am very quick to raise my voice at my children, even Micah. I assume that when my kids are doing something wrong, it's because they are actually choosing to do wrong rather than exploring, learning, or just being their age. I might as well throw in that I curse a lot too...

I am quick to speak, slow to hear...
When my husband brings a genuine concern or shares his heart with me, I jump to defensiveness or to self pity before I think of his needs or share gratitude for his willingness to entrust his heart to me.

I am not a women of strong faith...
I do not always think that God (or my husband) have MY best interest in mind, especially if it involves something that is hard or takes a large sacrifice on my part.

I am not flexible...
If my kids (or anyone else for that matter) changes my plans, especially if it meant time to myself or extra sleep... oh heck, even to go shopping or out to eat) I am not very accepting of the new plan.

My root sin is selfishness...
My knee-jerk reaction is self preservation. It takes a HUGE effort on my part to step outside of myself in order to help those most important to me.

I share this with you so that you will understand why I say that for Lent, I am working on/asking God for a complete overhaul of my heart. I am asking for a new heart, as this Scripture speaks...
I admit that I am nervous about this, but I also desire a new heart more than I ever have in my life. It's no secret that this year has thrown me for quite a loop - and it's not about to slow down. I always talk about dying to myself, but I don't seem to have what I need to truly be able to do it on my own. The problem is that I don't really ask God to help, I only demand that He help because I am entitled to be helped because He's the one who is calling me to all this. As I type it it puts such a terrible taste in my mouth. This life I live is a fulfillment of my deepest desires, and yet without God's grace to help me and to change me - and without living in a way that disposes me to receive these graces God desires to give me- I cannot truly experience TRUE joy and TRUE fulfillment in this life at all!

So I HAVE to step out - as a first act of faith this lent- without knowing exactly HOW God will respond, but I HAVE to believe that He will, that He DOES have my best interest in mind (not mention that He also loves my husband and my children more than I ever could), and that He will "see it through to completion"...  (which is that Salvation of our souls).

If you find this post to seem a bit discouraging, please know that it is meant to be one of hope- PRAISE GOD for the Church's gift of the season of LENT! This is what it's for. I am hopeful and excited for this beautiful gift...


I pray that this Lent be one that you may see and TRULY EXPERIENCE the Mercy and the Love of God.

How's about a Christmas post?

Yes, it is February, but because we don't have a working camera, I am at the mercy of other people's pictures. But here are pictures from the holidays. Interestingly enough we have at least 3 cameras when we're with the Darbonne side of the family and when we go to the Dawson's we have no cameras (besides the phones) and we never remember to take pictures. I promise David has a family, they live in Baton Rouge, and we love seeing them...

 We traditionally pick all the oranges and everyone takes turns juicing them.

 Then there's video after video after video... because you can imagine that with 5 grandchildren under 7, we need down time. They are mesmerized...

 So are the babies...

 Micah was not quite 7 months here... he is now 8 1/2 months. This was the one week span where he sat up without going anywhere. It was a precious time, that has long since been left behind seeing as how he very quickly learned to crawl, to pull up and to cruise before 8 months. Cute cute kiddo

Sarah , Steven, and sweet sweet Isabelle (Baby Belle)

 David and Therese... and then there's Sarah and I... this is a typical scene.

 If I've never introduced her before... this is Dominique Lane Meyer. I think it's safe to say that she and Joseph are dating. They've been together since Jacob was about 7 months old.

 Granny and Grandpa with all the kidlets.

 And here is everybody following the Christmas Eve Mass. We took up nearly the entire front row. Sorry if you found us a distraction, but I thought everyone did fantastic.








Anna Kate (5) Madeline (6) and Therese. This was the most normal one I could get, because they were all taking turns being silly. Silly, beautiful girls!

And here we are!  

Thanks for sticking around to see what the Dawson's are up too. 2014 is going to be wonderful.

January 22...

David says that the high is 19 degrees today. He left Saturday and we miss him a lot in this house. Their trip is called a pilgrimage... There are about 200ish people from the Diocese of Lake Charles marching today. I am so proud of David doing this. I march for life in a different way, but David's sacrifice (year after year) is changing lives, fostering vocations, and bursting open the doors to Christ in the hearts of those who join him. I pray that this bring us hope that THIS generation- OUR GENERATION will end abortion! 

Expecting the Unexpected...

I feel called to share this short, but powerful journey with you...

In the last few days, I noticed that my coffee tasted like cardboard, which is usually the first sign that I am pregnant. The combination of NOT having had my cycle return, the confusing fertility signs that I have been seeing, and the joy of God's grace in Adoration last night, I decided to stop on the way home and pick up a test (which always makes for interesting conversation with the person working at the check-out counter... thanks Casey at Walgreens for making it interesting). I returned home to a loving husband who smiled sweetly, but with a smile that says, "that's cute of you, but you're not pregnant." No blue line... a common occurrence in these months before my cycle returns, but with the previous experiences (2 separate links) of losing children, I think it is far greater to know, love and have lost, than to have never known. Anyway, if Sam's sold pregnancy tests in bulk, I would buy them- some of you out there know the feeling I'm sure.

I sat down at the computer to finish up some online marriage prep training and was asked to answer the following: What does it mean to be a mom? My answer was something like "giving EVERYTHING I am (mind body soul energy) for my children. Nobody can love my children the way that I can. They rely on me to answer the question of if they are loved, if they are worth loving, and if they are treasured." I posted a nice little NFP video on Facebook and called it a night. I returned to brush my teeth and saw a faint blue line...

Now the reason for this post. Could we be pregnant? Is there a soul? I brought it to David with these words, "Well this is questionable!" He agreed. In his support and compassion, he (though having a bit of deer-in-headlights look) pulled me to him and said, "That is questionable. Ok, baby. I love you." You see David and I have been discerning since Micah's birth God's plan for our family. It's a beautiful process that involved more trust and communication than any other method out there, but it especially involves an openness to life... even when it wasn't "planned" per say. David then said to me, "Call Dr Darbonne to see if you have low progesterone this time." At the first sign of a baby, David thought of doing everything we could to make sure we didn't lose another one. What a treasure.

I didn't sleep much last night. 15 months apart. 5 kids. How was I going to do it? How would we afford another baby? What will people say? We weren't being irresponsible. How did I miss God's cues? Trust, Kate and David. I can say that the night was filled with this grace: God focused me on the soul that possibly existed. Another person that is NEITHER of us and BOTH of us at the same time. Shocked? Totally. Overwhelmed? Yes. Scared? Not really- Haven't we see what God has done thus far in our precious little family? Hasn't He been faithful? Hasn't He provided over and over and over for us? I just thought," Well, Lord, You must mean for David and I to share the experience with others about true openness to life."

Micah woke up his usual three times. 1am 2:30am 5:30am. I nursed him twice, wondering if I should keep it up. Naturally after the last feeding I couldn't sleep. I took another test. I pulled out the directions. "Disregard whatever shows up after 10 minutes." Another negative test. So I'm NOT pregnant. . A sigh of relief? A little. Sad? Yes- I spent the night thinking there was a growing person inside of me, but there wasn't. The possibility of a soul.

I share this with you to show you that I am just like anyone else. A desire for control. A longing to "Let Go and Let God," a desire to do His will, a young mom with just about all I can "handle" on a day to day basis. But God gave me a gift in what feels like a unexpected pregnancy- who knows? Maybe I am? It  doesn't look that way at this point, But I have been reminded that life is a gift- it is precious. Let me say that David and I pray that there are more children in our future, we have been reminded that the timing belongs to God- who loves us and provides for the deepest desires of our hearts. My deepest desire is a family- however quickly it grows. Thank you, Lord for a lesson in trust.