YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Is this you in church? Yeah... us either.

It's more like this...

Fee this same way?

I see you moms and dads and awesome grandparents who take your children to mass...

Wrestling while standing in the back of mass with your baby who insists on "blessing" himself over and over again...

Swaying continuously while hoping your baby forgets what they were so upset about...

Letting go of all your parenting convictions as you let your child "get down" and practice walking in the vestibule of church...

Entire family who has to sit in the cry room because one of your children just cannot sit in church...

WE ARE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!

I felt so much solidarity with all of you this last Sunday.... THE FEAST OF CORPUS CHRISTI for goodness sake. I had to ask our priest if I could snag his notes from the pulpit because I didn't hear ONE BLASTED WORD from his homily (thanks, Fr Ian).

WE CAN DO THIS, Y'ALL!!

Let's not give up! Let's continue to go to Mass as a family. Let's continue to let the grace of God and the goodness and faithfulness of God and the desire to pass this reality onto our children continue to get our tired, worn-out selves to Mass!!

You are not a hindrance or a burden- YOU KEEP THE CHURCH ALIVE!!

You are not alone!!

See you on Sunday!!

Since when did I start equating Lent with fruitlessness?

The other night when a friend (who is also a great priest) was over for dinner, we were discussing the different kinds of Lenten decor (or the appropriate lack thereof), a question arose that nearly knocked me off the couch...

"When did we start associating Lent with being fruitless?"


WHAT?!?

Before this particular Lent, if you were to ask me to recall some images that come to mind when I hear the word Lent, I would have said the following: a dry desert, sticks in a clay pot, a mouth-watering chocolate cake behind an electric fence, low blood sugar attacks, hair shirts (I'm kidding), and bodily suffering (I've had two babies during Lent). And to top it all off, if I'm honest with myself, usually I bring all these images and good merits with me to East Sunday like quarters to a vending machine. If Easter Sunday doesn't deliver total peace, joy, and a baby who sleeps all night, I am quite disappointed with the Lord.

Someone tell me that I'm not alone on this!

This conversation with our friend (and consequently lots of prayer) allowed me to realize something- this Lent has been completely different than all other Lents ever! No, I'm not that much more awesome than last Easter (though I do have a baby who can sleep all night from time to time), but MERCY has entered the picture in a bigger way than before!

God does not mean for this [picture] to be our HEARTS during Lent, but merely to represent SOME of our practices- but this was what my heart was lookin' like!



THANKS BE TO GOD AND THANK YOU POPE FRANCIS!! This year of Mercy has open wide the doors for God to work and to till my heart into a more fertile kind soil, and if I can identify something that has been the game-changer to this fertile soil (besides having a fifth children between this Lent and last), it would be MERCY!!


I haven't beat myself up when a bite of chocolate enters my mouth (by accident... or... not by accident), no longer have I focused ONLY on going without that which I do not need, and don't get me wrong, bodily penances are MOST DEFINITELY  a necessary part of a fruitful Lent, but white-knuckling through Lent isn't going to open our hearts to the Lord. It may lead to resenting Him.

My Lent has looked something like this (emphasis on "something like"): Less alcohol, less sweets (like none during the week... except for the three family birthdays and Sacrament celebrations), less yelling, less movies, smaller portions. It also has included more... praying more on my knees rather than in my comfy bed, sitting more often in silent  prayer rather than filling it with books and journaling, which is my normal tendency (this one I was pretty terrible at, but hey, Lent's not over), preparing for consecration to Divine Mercy, working on actually preparing meals for my family rather than winging it all the time, St Alphonsus Ligouri's Stations of the Cross, waking up early to try to both pray and exercise, and consciously attempting to trust more in the Lord.

This last bit I was not exactly specific with the Lord as to how I would go about trusting Him more, and it came in the form of basically giving up my children's health for Lent (up until about 2 days ago, can I get an Thank you, Lord?). So for the first half of Lent, our house had one or all of it's members with tonsillitis, fifth disease, fever, unending coughing, adenoid removal, swollen glands, and several symptoms that accompany low progesterone (ok, maybe that last one was me, but it's a nicer way to say PMS). It was the perfect opportunity to make a conscious effort to trust in God's mercy to bring me through EACH LITTLE MOMENT (day and night). Quite the opportunity, which I can promise you, I did not come up with myself.

Am I making this up? No, I don't think I am... Lent is meant to bring about a blooming of our spiritual life THROUGH stripping away what is less than necessary (though red wine's being superfluous is debatable) and adding extra practices to make our hearts more fertile ground for God to work in us!! But it MUST be laced with an increase of God's LOVE and MERCY... which He will not force on us! This experience has actually INCREASED my desire 1) to actually give prayer the weight it deserves 2) the grace to make prayer go deeper and 3) the penitence and recognition of my smallness to ask God for MORE help in getting me to where He wants me. And if I'm not mistaken (and I'm pretty sure I'm not because many priests have mentioned this), what we change/alter/give up is meant to spill over into the everyday long after we are finally able to shout Alle...lu... ooh wait... not time to say it yet. These practices are meant to become everyday practices to some degree, so if I observe Lenten practices that are next to absurd, I can promise you that I am much more likely to resent them. If, however, the different things that I mentioned earlier can more easily become a part of my everyday life, then Lent was most definitely fruitful- in a sustainable kind of way. I'm shooting for sustainable changes here.

Hosea 2:14 - "I will allure her, I will lead her into the desert, and there I will speak to her heart." (emphasis mine)

Joel 2:13 "...and rend your hearts and not your garments.” Return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love..."

Somewhere over the years, I must have started leaving some of those precious underlined words out... God has already told us that in the desert HE WILL SPEAK TO US and that going without for the sake of going without will NOT help us to learn of the Lord's  gracious and merciful Love!  I have a lot to learn, but this Lent is the start of something so wonderful and new! I used to approach Lent with a WOMP WOMP kind of attitude, but it seems like God in His mercy has allowed this Lent to be different- AND I'M LOVIN' IT- May lent be a season of FRUITFULNESS for all of us!

 Do I mean that for you to drop completely what you may have been doing this Lent? NOPE. I simply think that if you, like me, found/find yourself in a place where Lent is fruitless, there is still time! There is time to reevaluate and ask God to come into this Lent in a different way- a way FILLED with grace and mercy!

Merry Christmas from Day to Day Dawson's!

This free digital greeting card created with Smilebox

Advent: A time to WAIT or to PREPARE?

Advent sometimes brings a mix of apprehension and joy in my heart. Ordinary time is over, and we're moving into the season of anticipation and hope! But because David and I have decided that our family traditions include 1) Holding off on Christmas music and decorations until Rose Sunday 2) teaching our children to already know the truth about Santa  3) praying as a family around a lit Advent wreath and 4) adding an activity such as a Jesse Tree, a manger to be filled with "hay" that is made up of good deeds, etc...

...I admit that I struggle a lot to find balance between a certain amount of "white knuckling" through Advent and celebrating Christmas way too early. I used to act as if there were some sort of prize for being the one to celebrate Christmas the least before it's proper time. It makes Christmas day less about JOY and CELEBRATION and more about face-planting at a man-made finish line, spiritually exhausted and not at all prepared for the sheer joy that God means for us to experience. It's the truth that I used to picture God looking on me with hands on His hips and waiting to shake His almighty finger at me if I celebrated too early. Wow... someone's image of God was MESSED UP!

My pride tries desperately to creep in and stop me from the liberating experience that God wants to give me through this beautiful, hope-filled, room-making, anticipatory season. I don't bring this up because I have mastered it by any means, but because I have experienced what it feels like to reach Christmas morning and feel like God OWES me his Son because of all the waiting I've been doing. It's only been in the last few years that I have been able to dip my toe into the beauty that comes with PREPARING for Christmas instead of just WAITING for it.

To get a better sense of what I'm tackling, the best analogy that I have heard for this experience is a Hurricane: think about what happens when you prepare for a hurricane and when you simply wait for it. (Ok, if there is anyone who is not from the Gulf South, just think of your area's version of a big storm). I imagine some are wondering why I'm comparing Jesus to a hurricane... ask anyone who's had a complete 180 degree conversion and it's pretty similar to a hurricane. Anyway, you see the difference in waiting and preparing, right?  So how can I better prepare for Christmas?

Here are some ways that I have found make it easier to turn waiting into preparing:

•  I try to think of Advent as a penitential season (yes, like Lent). I can choose to deny myself certain pleasures to strip away from my heart what is taking up too much space. (This means skipping desert and extra trips to Adoration and Mass or no TV after the kids are in bed, for example) I am really behind on this one so far this year...

• Confession... to a priest.

• Allow my children to talk about Christmas and ask all the questions that they want to help them better understand the difference between Advent and Christmas, while at the same time pointing out that we aren't READY to listen to/watch/decorate yet. (It's pretty sad that I use to wince when they would even attempt to talk about Christmas during Advent out of fear of celebrating incorrectly, and I would almost dismiss it completely. Sigh)

• Study and pray with the Scriptures that are specific to Advent : Isaiah, the beginning of Luke's Gospel, John the Baptist's birth, or Advent reflection series.

• All bets are off by Gaudete Sunday/Rose Sunday... ok not totally, but this is traditionally when we buy our tree, decorate, and allow the Christmas music to ring through the house. Truth be told, David would prefer to hold off even longer... but I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER!!! (December 17th is also another date that works, too. The antiphons in the Liturgy of the hours change on this day).... we're so close!!

          (A little tip... most Christmas trees are 1/2 off by this point).

• Pregnancy- nothing helps me dive into the beauty or preparing room for the Christ child like actually growing one (obviously, we can't just dial this one up).

•  Preparation for Consecration to Jesus Through Mary

Each advent is a new experience. Our children are at different ages and their understanding is different, which means that we have to respond differently. I want more than anything to have a heart, a soul, (and a house) cleaned up and PREPARED to welcome Jesus, the God- made-man Child when I finally reach Christmas Mass and hear "Oh Come Let us Adore Him" ! We have a God who TRULY wants what is best for us, and for this season, it means He wants to walk with us through a season of softening and opening our hearts in order to gift us with HIS VERY SELF!

Prof. Helen Alvaré: Creating the Future: The Fertility of Christian Love

Ghosts and goblins or saints and angels? Faithfully navigating Halloween by David Dawson

My husband wrote a wonderful article for the Archdiocese and they posted it recently on their website. I feel like David and I constantly have to explain ourselves and the reasons we make counter-cultural decisions about how to celebrate holidays. Instead of being resentful of this task, we see it as an opportunity to share the Truth... (on a good day- wink wink).

Here is David's Article:

Ghosts and goblins or saints and angels? Faithfully navigating Halloween

How to best celebrate Halloween has been a question many Catholic families have wrestled with, especially those with young children, and a wide variety of opinions have been offered.  It can be confusing to sift through all the different versions of the holiday’s origins and purposes, but from a Catholic perspective, there are a few important basics about Halloween to keep in mind when making plans with your family.

Most importantly, the word, “Halloween,” as most of us know, comes from the term “All Hallows Eve,” and although the wording sounds a little spooky, this simply means “The Eve of All Saints Day.”  Because All Saints Day is one of the great Solemnities of the year, its celebration starts the night before, just like on Sundays.  So, for Catholics, the evening of October 31st begins the joyous celebration of the amazing things God has accomplished through the lives of countless people throughout the centuries.  His victory over sin and death allows the saints to be with Him for eternity in Heaven and makes them able to intercede for us.  This is a huge deal!

Unfortunately, much of the modern celebration of Halloween centers on the excitement that comes from fear.  There’s a tendency to want to enjoy the thrill that comes from taking a peek at the seemingly immense power of death and darkness as opposed to the celebration of the immense power of God over death and darkness.  This is why even a light-hearted celebration of the power of fear steers us (and our kids) in the wrong direction.  Our faith tells us that ghosts and goblins aren’t real, but that angels and demons certainly are, and they are not equal in power.  It shouldn’t surprise us, though, that Halloween has become the main “holiday” for those involved in occult or Satanic activity, those who have been confused as to where true power and fulfillment are found.  Even when it’s not that extreme, Halloween is often used as an excuse for indulging in immoral activities, or even just candy, both of which reveal our tendency to believe that every now and then, the thrill of diving into things that are bad for us is awesome.

Now, it’s not sinful to dress up in a fun costume and collect candy from the neighbors or have an enjoyable get-together.  But, if this is our focus, it can easily distract us from the true gift of the night.  Especially when kids are involved, it can make a big difference to include some celebration of God’s victorious gifts seen through the different lives and intercession of the saints.  Take some time to enter into this awesomeness!  You might do saint costumes for parties or trick-or-treating; let your kids choose who they want to go as, and check out what makes that saint unique.  Maybe catch a vigil Mass before you go out, or just spend some time as a family in prayer letting your kids hear you express gratitude for what God has done through the particular saints that mean a lot to you.  Then, choose the gatherings or locations that allow the focus to be more on enjoying each other’s company than on the thrill of getting scared. 

It may be difficult to avoid the yearly exaltation of fear, but this All Hallows’ Eve, instead of just letting Halloween happen as it will, see if God has something greater in store for you and your family, and if tweaking the tradition can allow for something truly thrilling!

For fun and creative costume and craft ideas for your family, check out our "Faithfully Navigating Halloween" Pinterest Board!

A GIANT step toward understanding each other!

I am a blessed gal! I have a husband who is (good looking) sensitive and whose job it is to research, facilitate, and teach about marriage and family life! So when I saw these two books show up at our door, I knew we were about to dive into some good stuff. David and I have a unusually high affinity for learning about and teaching about the differences between men and women (maybe because we are DESPERATELY trying to understand each other).

It's a known fact that 1) men and women are EXTREMELY different and 2) We have to figure out how to get along somehow if the species is to survive, and most importantly 3) that God knew this when he made us male and female...

So no preaching here, I just have to say that if I had a bunch of money I would give these books away by the thousands (well, first I would pay off that blasted student loan) and THEN I would give these books away by the thousands. 

What's so special about them? They are written by a husband/wife team and was all started because the author (the wife) was researching how men think in an effort to enrich a character in a novel that she was writing. It lead to an all-out research project where thousands of men (and subsequently women) were interviewed to get a better idea of how men (then women) think. 

Here's what we've done: David and I read our books. Next we switched and read the other's book about our own gender, and highlighted what spoke to us most deeply about ourselves individually. (This would be the reason why I'm not loaning out our copies to you, so don't ask :).  Then we're rereading the book and discussing the findings in a sort of extended conversation we call a dialogue (part of our commitments for Domestic Church). It's not an efficient way to do this, but it has been so so fruitful and enriching...

I don't want to tell you EVERYTHING that's blown me away, but I'll give a teaser or two:

• Basically ALL men desire to be RESPECTED more than they desire to FEEL LOVED- This gives me MANY opportunities to show him that I do (or don't) respect him- at home, in public, in front of others, etc. So, like, fussing at a my husband to stop and ask directions gives him the message that I don't trust him to get us where we're trying to go. I can choose to take a deep breath and wait for him to figure it out... because in a man's brain, it's actually an adventure to figure it out... who knew?
• MOST men loves their wives and find them beautiful despite what extra pounds have been added on. As it turns out, though, they feel like our effort/lack thereof to exercise for more energy/get back in shape/lose weight speaks to them that they are WORTH the effort (or not). AND most men will do WHATEVER it takes to help us to do what needs to be done to help us with this. 
• When your husband sees you looking really beautiful, his VERY NEXT THOUGHT (regardless of how timely it may or may not be) is to ... uh... do something about it. He's not a creep or a fanatic... it's how his brain is wired (in other words, the same part of the brain that lights up when he sees a buffet lights up when he sees you... what he DOES about it is an act of his will, of course). So I need to be sensitive and understanding in my responses.

Ok, maybe more than two... just in case you never buy these books...

• Women's brains are wired like a computer (not a big shocker to most readers) , but the analogy was the best part... it's like a bunch of windows are open all at once (if even some are minimized) and pop-us and adds are constantly coming on the screen, making sticking to one task incredibly difficult. The advice to men is to help us close some of those windows out to be able to focus. LOVE IT!
• When we see our husbands all dressed up fancy-like... that same part of the brain does NOT light up, which is why our response is not the same- Our brains are wired different (all windows open, remember? So we're constantly trying to connect all pieces of the puzzle).
• My husband (and most husbands) believe that because we're married... we're good. An argument/disagreement does not bring that up for questioning, whereas when the same instance occurs, I'm CONSTANTLY wondering if "we're good" or if things are ok between us. That's why I'm such a nagger... "how are you feeling now?" "What are you thinking?" "Are we good?" UGH... I'm so annoying.
• MEN HAVE A NOTHING BOX. They can actually pull out this box at will!! So when you ask your man, "Whatcha thinkin' about?" and he says, "Nothing"... he's actually thinking about NOTHING!! Amazing...

So what has this little book-reading exercise done for us? It has taught us SO much about each other and encourages and challenges us to take bold steps toward living better for each other, not out of blind obedience, but out of loving understanding. We are still praying, discussing, and discerning about why God made us this way and what we can do about it. It's opened up a lot of opportunities to TALK about our differences with each other... what a great step!

We are a mystery to the other, which does NOT mean that we won't ever understand the other. It simply means that the answers will NEVER be exhausted. What an awesome realization! 

(A word of caution: The authors do not seem to be coming from a mindset that utilizes natural family planning, so in one chapter in particular, be aware that this element is missing the ebb and flow of NFP.)