"What I have cleansed, you are not to call common..."

Out of a dead sleep this morning, I heard my husband's voice (trying every so sweetly and lovingly to wake me up after a rough night with a vomiting 10-month old with RSV), "Do you want to do Scripture with me before we get up?"

Answer in my head: um, no?
Answer out loud: (literally half asleep) sure

He begins where we left off in the book of ACTS where Peter receives a vision that basically tells Him it's time to preach to the Gentiles... cool and powerful story... but not what I mean to tell you about.

We pause to let God tell us what He wants us to receive from the passage, which I tend to have a hard time with even when I am wide awake after a full night's sleep, much less not even fully conscious yet (don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my husband cares more about my relationship with God than if I can get 3 more minutes of sleep before the circus gets going, I'm simply trying to convey how NOT awake I was).

It came to me clear as day, and a quickness that I don't have normally (isn't God so merciful?). As I was attempting to wake up and get my game face on for ANOTHER Monday or being Holly Housewife and, to be honest, fighting an almost (pause: my 2 year old woke up and wants "thereal") constant battle with monotony, this is the verse that stood out to me...

ACTS 10: 15 "Then the voice said, 'What God has cleansed you are not to call common.' "

Soul. Punched.

God was telling me that MY LIFE IS NOT COMMON!

CHASING BUTTERFLIES > PADDLING A RIVER

Yes, another Monday. Yes, I am about to start the same routine that Monday brings. Yes, someone is sick... actually 5/6 kids are sick, and one has a named sickness which ads to the mental game. But my husband and my children are ANYTHING but common. My life is ANYTHING but common. We are told by the world that women should get out there and do something with our lives, our degrees, our student loans, our "adulting" and I can tell you that the temptation to do that is real (I mean, to go shopping all day long with my student loan money and eat out 2/3 of my meals was mighty nice). But the truth is that THIS IS better than any (pause, my six year old needs help with math) trip I might take, these are the decisions that have eternal consequences. Traveling "the hills of the human soul" will take me more outside of my comfort zone that ANYTHING or ANY place ever will.

SUCCESSFULLY TAKING THREE TO THE DOCTOR > CLIMBING EVEREST

So this grace that He gave me through Scripture this morning showed itself when one of my little olive plants was crying for the ZILLIONTH time this morning (which ALWAYS includes screaming with the tears), and I was walking inside outside inside outside inside outside to get him a pair of shoes that weren't too tight or too big (or too red or too old or too dirty or too wet) and just like Peter, I heard a voice say something very similar to what I read:

"This is not a common day, this is not a common child, and this your life is not ordinary. Here is your first chance to treat this moment like it is the first time you have every done this... Motherhood is holy, so don't call this moment common"

FOUND THIS PICTURE FROM TWO YEARS AGO THAT IS ACTUALLY ENTITLED 

"JUST ANOTHER DAY"

WATCHING ONE CHILD TEACH ANOTHER > THE JOY OF A SUNRISE

SEEING BROTHERS PEACEFULLY READING TOGETHER > RELAXING ON THE BEACH

BECAUSE NO SUPERHERO IS COMMON

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY CHESS IN MY BATHROOM?

AND EVERY FEW MONTHS YEARS SOMEONE TAKES A REAL PICTURE OF MY CHILDREN

Isn't God so faithful and merciful?!? "More will be given to the one who has been given much" He will not let me drift through the life as if every day were just another version of the same thing. Pope Benedict said that we are not created for comfort, but for greatness! My days, no matter how much I wish for convenience and comfort, are given to me to make greatness come from them.

I'm not saying that I merrily levitated back and forth, to and from the house trying to find one freakin pair of shoes that fit this poor child just because I had the experience with praying with this Scripture passage this morning, but it gave me the grace to be just a bit kinder to my sweet, emotionally charged baby. It made this Monday a whole lot sweeter, and I tell you what, it made me SUPER happy for this upcoming season in the church... this WILL NOT BE JUST ANOTHER ADVENT!! I found myself ho-humming about what to do with my family this Advent and  the monotony was all but wiped away at this realization... if I will prepare Him room in my heart, then I CANNOT think of this as "Just another Advent."

May God give us the grace to make this an EXTRAORDINARY ADVENT. May I never call this life a common one...

Andrew's Story...

Here's the story of our first miscarriage. A friend asked me to tell it for an article he's writing. This experience happened seven year ago this month. It has been a gift to go through it again and see just how much God loves, blesses, and forgives us. 

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When our second daughter was eight weeks old, David returned home from his holy hour and shared with me that he really believed that God was calling us to be open to another child. (Did I mention that our daughter was eight weeks old?). I don't remember my exact reaction, but I laughed at him and told him that he was crazy. It was exactly physiologically possible to have another child at the point. Nonetheless, I told him that I would go to Adoration, and so I did the next morning.

When I arrived I first prayed for an open heart and for the Lord to reveal to me His will for our family. I opened a book that I had been reading by Kimberly Hahn (Scott Hahn's wife) called Life Giving Love and proceeded to actively look for an explanation of good reasons NOT to be open to life and GOOD reasons to "space" children. I could find ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and in fact, what did stand out to me was something her husband had told her: Mother's bodies, with their stretch marks and scars from carrying and caring for their children will, like Christ, remain that way in Heaven and be like the glorified body of Christ who's wounds remain. It struck me directly in my heart, and seemed to be giving me the opposite message that I sought. I then turned to Scripture where I landed first in the Gospel of Luke and a painting of the visitation of Mary and Elizabeth.

The verse underneath it said, "Blessed is the fruit of your womb." I had my clear answer. My fertility was and is a gift, and I returned home and told David what the Lord had revealed to me as well. We were grateful that He had told us BOTH, but David knew that I was afraid of what would come of this. That was in May. About four months later, I discovered that I was pregnant. Therese was six months old. It was happening, just as the Lord had said. We shared the news with friends and family, and we were grateful for another soul, but my heart did not feel ready. When I was about four weeks pregnant, I found myself in Adoration with these thoughts: Maybe this pregnancy won't make it. Maybe I'll miscarry, and that would be ok, because then people may feel sorry for us, and then we would have their sympathy and at least look like we're open to life without having to have babies so close together. I was horrified with myself! I was grateful to Jesus that He had allowed those thoughts to come from the back of my brain to the front so that I could address them with a priest and ask forgiveness from the Lord and from my precious husband who was and is ALWAYS ready to meet another soul that God would give to us. 

I raced home and confessed to David my secret sin and I realized that I was no different than any woman who contemplates abortion. I was so sick with guilt and grief, but our Lord is so merciful. Our sweet friend who is also a priest came to visit the next morning, and I went to confession in our home and was forgiven my sin. Thanks be to God!

Just three days later I began to bleed, and then the cramping that comes with miscarriage followed not long after that. I was sunk deep into grief and guilt. I began to doubt myself and the mercy of God- I remember thinking that God saw my lack of a welcoming heart for this baby and decided that this innocent child would be better off in his Father's arms than a mother who doesn't want him. I have been able to pray through and process my thoughts and see that they were untrue and that God's mercy is boundless and bottomless, but at that time, I couldn't see past my sin. David knew that my sin did not cause to miscarriage and did his best to console me, but we were both so shocked and so sad. We had two beautiful and healthy children (John Paul 2) and Therese (7 months) and didn't think that a loss would happen in between children. We cried and grieved over the loss, but we also offered this baby to the Lord.

I passed the baby a few days later, (which at just 6 weeks gestation looks like little more than a very large blood clot), wrapped the baby in a handkerchief, and we buried it under our statue of the blessed mother. The grave was blessed, and we began our healing process. 

 I asked God for a name and an image of the baby to keep in my mind and heart forever. God, once again in his mercy, gifted us with this image. His name is Andrew Thomas Dawson, and he has dark hair and blue eyes.

He was the first intercessor and saint for our little family. We have since had two more souls reach Heaven before us (Agnes Karolina and Elizabeth Anne). The losses are painful but bring our family together in ways that joyful experiences just can't. We talk to our other children (We now have six born children) about their brother and sisters in Heaven. It is bittersweet to think of them, because without their being lost to us here on earth, our family would look completely different, would there be a Jacob (now 6), a Micah (now 4) a Mary Clare (2) or a William (9 mo)? 

I am reminded of the Scripture verse "For who has known that mind of the Lord, or who has acted as His counselor" and "The souls of the just are in the hands of God. They seem in the eyes of the foolish to be dead, but they are at peace." And again "The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Yeah, it's been quite a while...here's why

I know its been basically a year since I've written. The reason? Life. Strait up.

Blog post topics and Scriptures used to fall into my mind like dew when the Holy Spirit wanted me to share a thought. But in the last year He has, instead, been training me on some serious interior work. The best image I can use to help you  understand is from the Chronicles of Narnia when Eustis is a dragon and his scales are being pulled off to free him from his selfishness and self preservation by the only one who can help- Aslan.

It's the same with me. In the last year and continuing through to the present moment, God has and is helping me to have joy in difficulty, patience with fatigue, clarity in the noise (and my house is pretty darn loud), and trust in the unknown. I just have such a long way to go that I feel like posting on this precious blog is not part of that growth. So for whoever is reading this, that's where I've been.  Its where I will be for a while I imagine. We had a baby, we tried the spring baseball (madness), ballet revue, family retreat over the summer, vbs, Domestic Church retreats, a child had a tonsillectomy, and a few other things. We haven't been busy, but our life has been intense anyway. Like I said, busy interiorly.

I can't change the world but I can try (and fail sometimes) to get better at being a mama and wife. My little house is my world, so that's where I'll be working for a while.

So what's the deal with homeschooling?

I was asked by a friend two very general, but in depth questions, which he asked me to reply via email. After I finished, I realized that it may answer some of the questions that others ask when they see me. So in case you, lovely reader, are one of these people or have asked one of these questions, then this post is for you:

What is the most positive (fruitful, growing etc.) in home schooling?

I love that homeschooling gives my children the ability to spend their days together. They practice living and loving with one another MORE than they take time for school work. 

I have seen my older children take initiative on helping/teaching the younger children. For example- my readers will read directions or entire books to the non-readers.

My children are great independent workers, but we also do a lot of reading aloud: history, English literature (in small bites), and religion.

I have been able to tailor the children's work to a level that best fits where they are. Therese's art skills are far beyond where John Paul's were at her same age, so she does more intricate art work than he. John Paul is a third grader, but has been on a 4th grade level for a while, and so we are able to move more quickly than he would be able to in a traditional school. 

I get to hold my children in my lap (which is being taken up by a large belly, so temporarily, they sit NEXT to me) to teach them to read. I have two children who I am teaching to read, and that is the posture they prefer for their lessons. 

My babies are exposed to whatever my school children are doing, so they like to "do school" in whatever for they feel: play-dough at the table, drawing, cheerios to count and sort, etc.

David plays an active role in their education as well- he reads to them, and if he is home, he will do a lot of teaching. He also helps to finish up what I have not finished once he comes home (which sounds like what parents have to do ANYWAY when their children come home from traditional school).

Our "after school" sports and activities are a nice chance to get out of the house rather than the insanity of running all over Tarnation from one place to another, and we don't have to race home to do the homework/supper/bath/bedtime routine.

There is so much support out there, whether through the sheer number of homeschooling families where you live (like here on the Northshore of LA), or online... like so many free printables!

And most importantly- we all stay in our rooms until 7:30 in the morning, and we don't have to get up early to deal with lunches, uniforms, speedy morning routines, etc.

And of equal importance- we are able to make Mass more often during the week.

What is the biggest problem, difficulties, limits in home schooling?

Having more babies than school-aged children is the most difficult hurdle. They know when I get into teacher mode, and they don't really like it. It isn't always enough to simply hold Mary Clare, but her intelligence tells her that I should be interacting with her too! So she expects her time with mommy/teacher as well and asks for school work!

I am usually too tired to pick up leftover school work at the morning, and I have set up our day so that the entire house 1) goes to sleep 2) reads quietly on the couch, and I use usually use this time to do my personal prayer and scripture reading. But the more pregnant I become the more tired I am at this time of day. So I feel like a failure most days that I don't get to prayer or finish up school like I wish and simply end up falling asleep. Sigh...

Another difficulty is that it can be a bit draining to have all 5 (and soon 6) children at home with me all day long... every day. It may be more difficult if it hadn't always been this way, but we've never had the kids in mother's day out or childcare, so I've never known life with little breaks here and there. It makes me really have to trust in the Lord to provide such opportunities. We are blessed that David's flexible schedule allows for him to be home if there are doctor's appointments that I need to take of, though, so the Lord always provides.

The biggest difficulty is the recognition that this is a life-long task- the rearing and education of our children (even if we put some in traditional school at some point, the task remains the same). The temptation to despair and get discouraged can creep in often, especially if it is a particularly difficult school year, and I look to be successful at homeschooling rather than faithful, as God calls me to be. 

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Most people's first response to hearing that we homeschool is "Oh, I could never do what you do." And to those women I say, "If I can do it, ANYONE CAN DO IT!" and I also think inwardly, "I could never do what YOU do. Getting up before 6 just to get everyone else out the house on time is a thought that makes me throw up in my moth a little bit, so POWER TO 'YA"

We have only been doing this for five years now, and I can PROMISE you that when we get to middle school math, I will punt to David... or to anyone who doesn't get sweaty thinking about teaching division with carrying. 

My children are also VERY aware that their mother is a short-tempered, crazy human being (which was hard for me at first, growing up with a mom who was able to juggle a full time job, home-life, spiritual life, marriage, and a career change thrown in their somewhere with what looked like harmonious ease (and she may be reading this and laughing at it's inaccuracy, but now you know, Mom), and so I was so disappointed in myself when my kids began to see me... um... not doing the juggling so well. Some days it's more like tripping on the juggling balls and face planting into someone's diaper that they took off when I wasn't looking. 

Homeschooling requires a grace that can be given to us to be able to do it, and all I have to do is ask!!  HE HAS PROVIDED! He will continue to do so! 

And now for some good 'ole fashioned poking fun...

It's been a while... and I think I know why.

It may be that nobody noticed, but it's been almost 4 months since I've last posted and there are two main reasons for that- one is important and one is not so important...

1) I don't have an easy way to get pictures of my kids to the computer and I'm not tech savvy enough to blog from my phone.

2) The Lord has had me in a season of learning about myself and my deep need for his mercy. Another way of putting this is to say that God has had so much for me to learn about myself and how to be a wife and mom and daughter of His that I basically have nothing deep or helpful to share with anyone that they probably didn't already know or read on someone else's blog.... 

So here are some things that have happened:

We still attempt to fit everyone in a little kid pool that is smaller than safely manageable. 

God has gifted us with another son... that brings the tally to 4 boys and 2 girls. Anyone sweating a little bit? Because I am. We're due around January 20th. 

We began our homeschool year on August 8th (why so early you homeschool moms ask? Because of the above photograph, and I don't want to fall behind later once I birth an excuse to be lazy about it).

And, yes, that would be our 8 year old helping to educate our almost 5 year old... If I can homeschool ANYONE CAN HOMESCHOOL!

Therese and Mary Clare are nearly inseparable

This happened one time... in life. 

The "baby boys" as we call the almost 5 &3 year old were reading together & walked away uninjured).

We participated in a Domestic Church family retreat, and our friends made a promotional video to encourage others to try one...

So what's happened is the I've learned some things in the last few months that have been game changers for me, but have come with a hearty dose of humility (ever had that before?). So I'll share some nuggets..

God loves with an AGE-OLD love! This means that He's done this sort of thing before- you know forgiving and being merciful and continuing to poor out abundant blessings on his child who tries so hard yet continues tripping up.

If we really want the world to change, it's not going to be through sharing knowledge... it's going to be through loving the ones right in front of us.

God to MAKE ALL THINGS NEW! It has been super helpful to ask the Lord to help me to see my children (and my vocation to love, nurture, and educate them) in a new way from time to time. It has been a huge help in dialing down the discouragement.

Screaming is lazy. Cursing is lazy. Tantrums are thrown by adults as well. Spanking a three year old is not helpful. Are you scandalized? I'm sorry

Exercise is a must and is something for which we can ask God to provide. 

God wants to help us get better at loving our spouses... it's pretty much the most important thing to Him!

If you feel like you are being "spiritually attacked" in your family. Have hope! It means that such amazing things are happening there, that Satan is doing his darnedest to mess with that!

"Do not grow weary doing good" - the Bible

My commitment to prayer and praying with Scripture has carried me through these months... and I imagine they will continue to do so! I'm so glad that God wants to talk to me!

I hope and pray that you are able to recognize the wonderful things that God is doing in your life as well...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Is this you in church? Yeah... us either.

It's more like this...

Fee this same way?

I see you moms and dads and awesome grandparents who take your children to mass...

Wrestling while standing in the back of mass with your baby who insists on "blessing" himself over and over again...

Swaying continuously while hoping your baby forgets what they were so upset about...

Letting go of all your parenting convictions as you let your child "get down" and practice walking in the vestibule of church...

Entire family who has to sit in the cry room because one of your children just cannot sit in church...

WE ARE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!

I felt so much solidarity with all of you this last Sunday.... THE FEAST OF CORPUS CHRISTI for goodness sake. I had to ask our priest if I could snag his notes from the pulpit because I didn't hear ONE BLASTED WORD from his homily (thanks, Fr Ian).

WE CAN DO THIS, Y'ALL!!

Let's not give up! Let's continue to go to Mass as a family. Let's continue to let the grace of God and the goodness and faithfulness of God and the desire to pass this reality onto our children continue to get our tired, worn-out selves to Mass!!

You are not a hindrance or a burden- YOU KEEP THE CHURCH ALIVE!!

You are not alone!!

See you on Sunday!!

Since when did I start equating Lent with fruitlessness?

The other night when a friend (who is also a great priest) was over for dinner, we were discussing the different kinds of Lenten decor (or the appropriate lack thereof), a question arose that nearly knocked me off the couch...

"When did we start associating Lent with being fruitless?"


WHAT?!?

Before this particular Lent, if you were to ask me to recall some images that come to mind when I hear the word Lent, I would have said the following: a dry desert, sticks in a clay pot, a mouth-watering chocolate cake behind an electric fence, low blood sugar attacks, hair shirts (I'm kidding), and bodily suffering (I've had two babies during Lent). And to top it all off, if I'm honest with myself, usually I bring all these images and good merits with me to East Sunday like quarters to a vending machine. If Easter Sunday doesn't deliver total peace, joy, and a baby who sleeps all night, I am quite disappointed with the Lord.

Someone tell me that I'm not alone on this!

This conversation with our friend (and consequently lots of prayer) allowed me to realize something- this Lent has been completely different than all other Lents ever! No, I'm not that much more awesome than last Easter (though I do have a baby who can sleep all night from time to time), but MERCY has entered the picture in a bigger way than before!

God does not mean for this [picture] to be our HEARTS during Lent, but merely to represent SOME of our practices- but this was what my heart was lookin' like!



THANKS BE TO GOD AND THANK YOU POPE FRANCIS!! This year of Mercy has open wide the doors for God to work and to till my heart into a more fertile kind soil, and if I can identify something that has been the game-changer to this fertile soil (besides having a fifth children between this Lent and last), it would be MERCY!!


I haven't beat myself up when a bite of chocolate enters my mouth (by accident... or... not by accident), no longer have I focused ONLY on going without that which I do not need, and don't get me wrong, bodily penances are MOST DEFINITELY  a necessary part of a fruitful Lent, but white-knuckling through Lent isn't going to open our hearts to the Lord. It may lead to resenting Him.

My Lent has looked something like this (emphasis on "something like"): Less alcohol, less sweets (like none during the week... except for the three family birthdays and Sacrament celebrations), less yelling, less movies, smaller portions. It also has included more... praying more on my knees rather than in my comfy bed, sitting more often in silent  prayer rather than filling it with books and journaling, which is my normal tendency (this one I was pretty terrible at, but hey, Lent's not over), preparing for consecration to Divine Mercy, working on actually preparing meals for my family rather than winging it all the time, St Alphonsus Ligouri's Stations of the Cross, waking up early to try to both pray and exercise, and consciously attempting to trust more in the Lord.

This last bit I was not exactly specific with the Lord as to how I would go about trusting Him more, and it came in the form of basically giving up my children's health for Lent (up until about 2 days ago, can I get an Thank you, Lord?). So for the first half of Lent, our house had one or all of it's members with tonsillitis, fifth disease, fever, unending coughing, adenoid removal, swollen glands, and several symptoms that accompany low progesterone (ok, maybe that last one was me, but it's a nicer way to say PMS). It was the perfect opportunity to make a conscious effort to trust in God's mercy to bring me through EACH LITTLE MOMENT (day and night). Quite the opportunity, which I can promise you, I did not come up with myself.

Am I making this up? No, I don't think I am... Lent is meant to bring about a blooming of our spiritual life THROUGH stripping away what is less than necessary (though red wine's being superfluous is debatable) and adding extra practices to make our hearts more fertile ground for God to work in us!! But it MUST be laced with an increase of God's LOVE and MERCY... which He will not force on us! This experience has actually INCREASED my desire 1) to actually give prayer the weight it deserves 2) the grace to make prayer go deeper and 3) the penitence and recognition of my smallness to ask God for MORE help in getting me to where He wants me. And if I'm not mistaken (and I'm pretty sure I'm not because many priests have mentioned this), what we change/alter/give up is meant to spill over into the everyday long after we are finally able to shout Alle...lu... ooh wait... not time to say it yet. These practices are meant to become everyday practices to some degree, so if I observe Lenten practices that are next to absurd, I can promise you that I am much more likely to resent them. If, however, the different things that I mentioned earlier can more easily become a part of my everyday life, then Lent was most definitely fruitful- in a sustainable kind of way. I'm shooting for sustainable changes here.

Hosea 2:14 - "I will allure her, I will lead her into the desert, and there I will speak to her heart." (emphasis mine)

Joel 2:13 "...and rend your hearts and not your garments.” Return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love..."

Somewhere over the years, I must have started leaving some of those precious underlined words out... God has already told us that in the desert HE WILL SPEAK TO US and that going without for the sake of going without will NOT help us to learn of the Lord's  gracious and merciful Love!  I have a lot to learn, but this Lent is the start of something so wonderful and new! I used to approach Lent with a WOMP WOMP kind of attitude, but it seems like God in His mercy has allowed this Lent to be different- AND I'M LOVIN' IT- May lent be a season of FRUITFULNESS for all of us!

 Do I mean that for you to drop completely what you may have been doing this Lent? NOPE. I simply think that if you, like me, found/find yourself in a place where Lent is fruitless, there is still time! There is time to reevaluate and ask God to come into this Lent in a different way- a way FILLED with grace and mercy!

Merry Christmas from Day to Day Dawson's!

This free digital greeting card created with Smilebox

Advent: A time to WAIT or to PREPARE?

Advent sometimes brings a mix of apprehension and joy in my heart. Ordinary time is over, and we're moving into the season of anticipation and hope! But because David and I have decided that our family traditions include 1) Holding off on Christmas music and decorations until Rose Sunday 2) teaching our children to already know the truth about Santa  3) praying as a family around a lit Advent wreath and 4) adding an activity such as a Jesse Tree, a manger to be filled with "hay" that is made up of good deeds, etc...

...I admit that I struggle a lot to find balance between a certain amount of "white knuckling" through Advent and celebrating Christmas way too early. I used to act as if there were some sort of prize for being the one to celebrate Christmas the least before it's proper time. It makes Christmas day less about JOY and CELEBRATION and more about face-planting at a man-made finish line, spiritually exhausted and not at all prepared for the sheer joy that God means for us to experience. It's the truth that I used to picture God looking on me with hands on His hips and waiting to shake His almighty finger at me if I celebrated too early. Wow... someone's image of God was MESSED UP!

My pride tries desperately to creep in and stop me from the liberating experience that God wants to give me through this beautiful, hope-filled, room-making, anticipatory season. I don't bring this up because I have mastered it by any means, but because I have experienced what it feels like to reach Christmas morning and feel like God OWES me his Son because of all the waiting I've been doing. It's only been in the last few years that I have been able to dip my toe into the beauty that comes with PREPARING for Christmas instead of just WAITING for it.

To get a better sense of what I'm tackling, the best analogy that I have heard for this experience is a Hurricane: think about what happens when you prepare for a hurricane and when you simply wait for it. (Ok, if there is anyone who is not from the Gulf South, just think of your area's version of a big storm). I imagine some are wondering why I'm comparing Jesus to a hurricane... ask anyone who's had a complete 180 degree conversion and it's pretty similar to a hurricane. Anyway, you see the difference in waiting and preparing, right?  So how can I better prepare for Christmas?

Here are some ways that I have found make it easier to turn waiting into preparing:

•  I try to think of Advent as a penitential season (yes, like Lent). I can choose to deny myself certain pleasures to strip away from my heart what is taking up too much space. (This means skipping desert and extra trips to Adoration and Mass or no TV after the kids are in bed, for example) I am really behind on this one so far this year...

• Confession... to a priest.

• Allow my children to talk about Christmas and ask all the questions that they want to help them better understand the difference between Advent and Christmas, while at the same time pointing out that we aren't READY to listen to/watch/decorate yet. (It's pretty sad that I use to wince when they would even attempt to talk about Christmas during Advent out of fear of celebrating incorrectly, and I would almost dismiss it completely. Sigh)

• Study and pray with the Scriptures that are specific to Advent : Isaiah, the beginning of Luke's Gospel, John the Baptist's birth, or Advent reflection series.

• All bets are off by Gaudete Sunday/Rose Sunday... ok not totally, but this is traditionally when we buy our tree, decorate, and allow the Christmas music to ring through the house. Truth be told, David would prefer to hold off even longer... but I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER!!! (December 17th is also another date that works, too. The antiphons in the Liturgy of the hours change on this day).... we're so close!!

          (A little tip... most Christmas trees are 1/2 off by this point).

• Pregnancy- nothing helps me dive into the beauty or preparing room for the Christ child like actually growing one (obviously, we can't just dial this one up).

•  Preparation for Consecration to Jesus Through Mary

Each advent is a new experience. Our children are at different ages and their understanding is different, which means that we have to respond differently. I want more than anything to have a heart, a soul, (and a house) cleaned up and PREPARED to welcome Jesus, the God- made-man Child when I finally reach Christmas Mass and hear "Oh Come Let us Adore Him" ! We have a God who TRULY wants what is best for us, and for this season, it means He wants to walk with us through a season of softening and opening our hearts in order to gift us with HIS VERY SELF!

Prof. Helen Alvaré: Creating the Future: The Fertility of Christian Love

Ghosts and goblins or saints and angels? Faithfully navigating Halloween by David Dawson

My husband wrote a wonderful article for the Archdiocese and they posted it recently on their website. I feel like David and I constantly have to explain ourselves and the reasons we make counter-cultural decisions about how to celebrate holidays. Instead of being resentful of this task, we see it as an opportunity to share the Truth... (on a good day- wink wink).

Here is David's Article:

Ghosts and goblins or saints and angels? Faithfully navigating Halloween

How to best celebrate Halloween has been a question many Catholic families have wrestled with, especially those with young children, and a wide variety of opinions have been offered.  It can be confusing to sift through all the different versions of the holiday’s origins and purposes, but from a Catholic perspective, there are a few important basics about Halloween to keep in mind when making plans with your family.

Most importantly, the word, “Halloween,” as most of us know, comes from the term “All Hallows Eve,” and although the wording sounds a little spooky, this simply means “The Eve of All Saints Day.”  Because All Saints Day is one of the great Solemnities of the year, its celebration starts the night before, just like on Sundays.  So, for Catholics, the evening of October 31st begins the joyous celebration of the amazing things God has accomplished through the lives of countless people throughout the centuries.  His victory over sin and death allows the saints to be with Him for eternity in Heaven and makes them able to intercede for us.  This is a huge deal!

Unfortunately, much of the modern celebration of Halloween centers on the excitement that comes from fear.  There’s a tendency to want to enjoy the thrill that comes from taking a peek at the seemingly immense power of death and darkness as opposed to the celebration of the immense power of God over death and darkness.  This is why even a light-hearted celebration of the power of fear steers us (and our kids) in the wrong direction.  Our faith tells us that ghosts and goblins aren’t real, but that angels and demons certainly are, and they are not equal in power.  It shouldn’t surprise us, though, that Halloween has become the main “holiday” for those involved in occult or Satanic activity, those who have been confused as to where true power and fulfillment are found.  Even when it’s not that extreme, Halloween is often used as an excuse for indulging in immoral activities, or even just candy, both of which reveal our tendency to believe that every now and then, the thrill of diving into things that are bad for us is awesome.

Now, it’s not sinful to dress up in a fun costume and collect candy from the neighbors or have an enjoyable get-together.  But, if this is our focus, it can easily distract us from the true gift of the night.  Especially when kids are involved, it can make a big difference to include some celebration of God’s victorious gifts seen through the different lives and intercession of the saints.  Take some time to enter into this awesomeness!  You might do saint costumes for parties or trick-or-treating; let your kids choose who they want to go as, and check out what makes that saint unique.  Maybe catch a vigil Mass before you go out, or just spend some time as a family in prayer letting your kids hear you express gratitude for what God has done through the particular saints that mean a lot to you.  Then, choose the gatherings or locations that allow the focus to be more on enjoying each other’s company than on the thrill of getting scared. 

It may be difficult to avoid the yearly exaltation of fear, but this All Hallows’ Eve, instead of just letting Halloween happen as it will, see if God has something greater in store for you and your family, and if tweaking the tradition can allow for something truly thrilling!

For fun and creative costume and craft ideas for your family, check out our "Faithfully Navigating Halloween" Pinterest Board!

A GIANT step toward understanding each other!

I am a blessed gal! I have a husband who is (good looking) sensitive and whose job it is to research, facilitate, and teach about marriage and family life! So when I saw these two books show up at our door, I knew we were about to dive into some good stuff. David and I have a unusually high affinity for learning about and teaching about the differences between men and women (maybe because we are DESPERATELY trying to understand each other).

It's a known fact that 1) men and women are EXTREMELY different and 2) We have to figure out how to get along somehow if the species is to survive, and most importantly 3) that God knew this when he made us male and female...

So no preaching here, I just have to say that if I had a bunch of money I would give these books away by the thousands (well, first I would pay off that blasted student loan) and THEN I would give these books away by the thousands. 

What's so special about them? They are written by a husband/wife team and was all started because the author (the wife) was researching how men think in an effort to enrich a character in a novel that she was writing. It lead to an all-out research project where thousands of men (and subsequently women) were interviewed to get a better idea of how men (then women) think. 

Here's what we've done: David and I read our books. Next we switched and read the other's book about our own gender, and highlighted what spoke to us most deeply about ourselves individually. (This would be the reason why I'm not loaning out our copies to you, so don't ask :).  Then we're rereading the book and discussing the findings in a sort of extended conversation we call a dialogue (part of our commitments for Domestic Church). It's not an efficient way to do this, but it has been so so fruitful and enriching...

I don't want to tell you EVERYTHING that's blown me away, but I'll give a teaser or two:

• Basically ALL men desire to be RESPECTED more than they desire to FEEL LOVED- This gives me MANY opportunities to show him that I do (or don't) respect him- at home, in public, in front of others, etc. So, like, fussing at a my husband to stop and ask directions gives him the message that I don't trust him to get us where we're trying to go. I can choose to take a deep breath and wait for him to figure it out... because in a man's brain, it's actually an adventure to figure it out... who knew?
• MOST men loves their wives and find them beautiful despite what extra pounds have been added on. As it turns out, though, they feel like our effort/lack thereof to exercise for more energy/get back in shape/lose weight speaks to them that they are WORTH the effort (or not). AND most men will do WHATEVER it takes to help us to do what needs to be done to help us with this. 
• When your husband sees you looking really beautiful, his VERY NEXT THOUGHT (regardless of how timely it may or may not be) is to ... uh... do something about it. He's not a creep or a fanatic... it's how his brain is wired (in other words, the same part of the brain that lights up when he sees a buffet lights up when he sees you... what he DOES about it is an act of his will, of course). So I need to be sensitive and understanding in my responses.

Ok, maybe more than two... just in case you never buy these books...

• Women's brains are wired like a computer (not a big shocker to most readers) , but the analogy was the best part... it's like a bunch of windows are open all at once (if even some are minimized) and pop-us and adds are constantly coming on the screen, making sticking to one task incredibly difficult. The advice to men is to help us close some of those windows out to be able to focus. LOVE IT!
• When we see our husbands all dressed up fancy-like... that same part of the brain does NOT light up, which is why our response is not the same- Our brains are wired different (all windows open, remember? So we're constantly trying to connect all pieces of the puzzle).
• My husband (and most husbands) believe that because we're married... we're good. An argument/disagreement does not bring that up for questioning, whereas when the same instance occurs, I'm CONSTANTLY wondering if "we're good" or if things are ok between us. That's why I'm such a nagger... "how are you feeling now?" "What are you thinking?" "Are we good?" UGH... I'm so annoying.
• MEN HAVE A NOTHING BOX. They can actually pull out this box at will!! So when you ask your man, "Whatcha thinkin' about?" and he says, "Nothing"... he's actually thinking about NOTHING!! Amazing...

So what has this little book-reading exercise done for us? It has taught us SO much about each other and encourages and challenges us to take bold steps toward living better for each other, not out of blind obedience, but out of loving understanding. We are still praying, discussing, and discerning about why God made us this way and what we can do about it. It's opened up a lot of opportunities to TALK about our differences with each other... what a great step!

We are a mystery to the other, which does NOT mean that we won't ever understand the other. It simply means that the answers will NEVER be exhausted. What an awesome realization! 

(A word of caution: The authors do not seem to be coming from a mindset that utilizes natural family planning, so in one chapter in particular, be aware that this element is missing the ebb and flow of NFP.)

A Few Reasons Why/How We Homeschool...

Question from Stranger: "How do you do it?"
External Answer: (Either) "One day at a time, same as everyone else" or "A serious amount of GRACE!:
Internal answer: (some days) Oh please don't ask me anything that might make me cry in public.
(and other days) God is faithful! (I guess I should move this answer up to "external answer.")

Comment from stranger following the revelation that we homeschool: "I would, but I just don't have the patience."
External response: I hear 'ya, neither do I.
Internal response: I hear 'ya, neither do I.

David and I are so very fortunate that 1) I am able to stay home and 2) that God has called us to this and 3) We have a good number of kiddos. Do I feel like this every day? No, indeed. But today - the second day of our school year- I am reflecting, yet again, on the tremendous gift of homeschooling...

Why we homeschool: (here are just a few thoughts I wanted to share if you're wondering what this crazy lady is thinking taking on such a huge responsibility in educating her children). Keep in mind that these are my thoughts about OUR family, and that I am in NO way trying to make judgments about YOUR family. Also, keep in mind that we have 5 children, the oldest of whom is now 7, and so our life might look A LOT different than yours...

• Because my children get to have each other (and me) to live with each day, rather than just a few moments here and there.
  
  
  
  
  
• I am given MANY more moments to truly interact with my children rather than just manage them. I do a lot of managing during "school," but because we have SO MUCH MORE TIME to be together (not running around town multiple times a day/week), I have the opportunity to try BE WITH them... (unless I really need a nap... if that's the case, then see the next bullet)
• I don't have to wake up before 6am to prepare lunches, breakfasts, uniforms, etc. Our household doesn't even begin  moving until after 7, or even later... like this morning when I didn't leave my room until 8 (after I dressed, was brought coffee by my fantastic husband, read the daily mass readings, and the liturgy of the hours).
• We start school when I am darn well ready. That means that we don't have to follow a nine-month schedule OR finish a certain text book OR grade by the last weeks of May. John Paul is basically in the 2nd grade, but his handwriting is "first grade" and we are taking a step back to ensure that his methods are proper, and his reading level is well into third grade, so we are in a different reading curriculum than is customary. YOU CAN DO THAT WHEN YOU ARE THE TEACHER!
• "The hard truth is that much of the best learning cannot be documented, proven, or demonstrated. The kind of encounters that form our children's hearts, minds, and souls occur as they come in contact with great books, learn to ask hard questions, and their minds are trained to think logically and well." -Sarah Makenzie
• They interact with other children ALL THE TIME! Our community on the Northshore has literally hundreds of families who school the way we do, so there are numerous opportunities for our children to spend time with other children and families... and they are usually children and families who I ALSO enjoy spending time with!
  
•  Even on my absolute worst day, the education is still better... not because I am a better teacher than a trained professional, but because my children (should) get one-on-one personalized instruction from the person who understands the great treasure that they truly are (or that's the goal).
• "[God] never asked us to produce prodigies or achieve excellence. He asked me to faithfully commit every day to Him and then to do that day's tasks well. He's in charge of the results." - Sarah Mackenzie (I'm kind of obsessed with her and her blog and her book).
• "It is our part to offer what we can, His to finish what we cannot." -St Jerome
• As a pretty picky parent, there are certain things that I DEFINITELY want my children to learn... the right way... in the right context. Enough said on that... you know what I'm talking about.
• This is a reason why, but it certainly is a bonus... we don't really get sick. The tummy bugs and viruses hit every now and then, but it is certainly not what it could be if they were bringing home everyone else's germs.
• Even though I am certified to do exactly what I'm doing (early childhood education) and, if we're honest, we're still paying the loan for that masters, I still feel completely overwhelmed a lot times in thinking that I don't have what it takes. I feel like the 5000 are sitting in front of me asking to be fed. I simply need to remember that God isn't asking me to feed 5000, he is simply asking for my few loaves and fishes... or even just my empty basket.
• We really believe that we are CALLED to this task. It's not just a logical decision. If that were so (ex- I feel like I'm going crazy, and that's bad for my children, therefore I won't homeschool right now). It is a decision that each family must discern for themselves, so if you are feeling a small tapping on your heart, ask God what He wants for your family! I would encourage you to move most the initial feeling of "I would go crazy if I were home with my kids all day" because I often feel that... ask my husband. 
• David teaches them on MULTIPLE occasions. I usually punt to him with religion. If you've ever seen/heard David speak or teach, you'll understand why.
  
• We desire that our children learn, read about, experience what is true, good, and beautiful, and that they learn to look at the world with WONDER and AWE. 
   

How we homeschool: these are just a few bullets for anyone who is thinking of it even a little bit

• God "didn't mean for you to teach your calm children in a calm manner on a calm afternoon. He didn't even man teach on a full night's sleep..." (yes, her again) - Sarah Mackenzie
• We get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, do a chore or two, change all the baby's poop diapers, and then we get started... notice there was no specific time attached to that. I posted a status on FB yesterday that it was 10:30 and we were already done for the day (not to toot my own horn, but to give a high five for homeschooling), and a friend of mine commented, "how 'bout this? It's 10:30 and we haven't even started!" 
• I have a single subject notebook that has each day's assignments. JP checks off each assignment as he finishes it. These assignments also include watering the garden, reading a story WITH me and reading a story for one of the little bitties.
• In our house, the babies outnumber the school-aged children. I have a box for the toddlers that include all kinds of things for them to do while I am working with the schoolers. This is should work, but ya know... most of the time the babies want to be doing what the big kids are doing. So I usually end up giving them "school looking" activities so that they feel big. 
• I'm not doing this because I want my children to get full paid scholarships to the most prestigious universities in the county. To be honest, most of the homeschoolers I know tend to choose schools that keep them within a reasonable distance from their families. 
• Each year I send a three sentence letter into the state that says that we will be schooling our children at home.
• There are NUMEROUS resources (MANY of them are free) that help! Curriculum, legal assistance, scholarships, etc. I can't imagine doing this without the internet, youtube, and a printer!
• I do not expect that we will homeschool EVERY child EVERY year until that graduate from high school. It's a year by year discernment. We seriously prayed about placing ours in a traditional school this coming year, but soon realized that God simply wanted us to be open to whatever gifts He wants to give us. This year, it's schooling at home.

And one final quotation from my girl... 

"Take a moment. Take ten. Look deep into your child's eyes. Listen, even when you're bored. Break out a board game or an old picture book you haven't read in ages. Resting in [God] means relaxing in the knowledge that He has put these children in our care to nurture. And nurturing looks different than charging through the checklist all angst-like. 

Your children are not ordinary or ordinary people, because there are no ordinary kids or ordinary people. They are little reflections of the Almighty, and He expects us to treat them as such."

Please know that we have only been doing this for three years and we have barely even dipped our toe into the homeschool apostolate. This is some insight from a rookie.

Throwin' out the old cloth...

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.” Mark 2:21,22

I remember when John Paul was barely a year old, and I met a woman who briefly shared something with me. I don't remember her name or how many children that she had in total, but I do remember that she said, "It took five children before I could fully surrender to motherhood..."

I've never forgotten those words, and while I know that every woman is different in what they can handle (or at least think that they can handle), I wondered if I, too, could surrender to motherhood at five...

So the question is not so much, "Have I surrendered to motherhood yet?" as much as it is, "What does surrendering to motherhood look like?" Well, lately I feel like the answer is being revealed to me... I am at my wit's end. (Warning: the following contains the spilling out of the contents of my heart. You may be scandalized by the raw information)

I am thinking, saying, and doing things that I swore I would never do and scoffed at mothers who thought, said, or did these things. I am tired of hearing my name at the end of the day. I raise my voice way more than I would like, sometimes because everyone's combined voices reach the decibel level of a vacuum cleaner and sometimes because I have down right lost my... uh patience. I get shaky with fear when I think about the truth that God is still calling us to raise a big(ger) family and get nervous when I've incorrectly assessed by daily fertility... what if I mislabel the day and we get pregnant and God's plan comes to pass before I've jumped on board?

We can't really go anywhere in public without someone throwing a tantrum. We were at the library today for all of 5 minutes before one of the children had a meltdown and I drug him by one arm to the corner while he continued to scream (and yes I got looks). So we basically don't go anywhere all day, and I'm that mom seeking out any neighbor who pokes their head out the door just to have an adult to talk to...

The baby has reached the "4 month sleep regression" stage of infancy, and while it's most definitely easier to handle than the first four children, it certainly was nice only waking up once. I said "the d word" when one of the kids tore open the band-aids in the grocery store and was immediately repeated... that's actually the first time, which is a miracle! And the kids have discovered the CD player in the classroom and how to work it, not to mention that most of our library books come with a read-a-loud CD. So from sup up to sun down (or when Daddy comes home) there is some form of music playing, and it ain't Paul Simon... BECAUSE IT KEEPS THEM OCCUPIED!

ANYWAY... let's take a break from this negativity for some cuteness

 Cow Appreciation Day 2015... we got 5 free meals out of this cuteness!

 Mary Clare- can't get enough of this precious girl!

 Therese loves to dress as animals! MEOW!

                                          Her creativity far surpasses mine... it's always interesting to see what she does with it!

 Obviously it's exhausting

 The Spidy is going to be 7 next month!

They're a little different in size.

With all this cuteness, what could possibly be the source of my woes? I share all this not for sympathy, but to provide a context for you. I have come to the realization that I can no longer get through the week without having a total "I'm going crazy, we're not having any more kids, and I'm not home schooling ever again" meltdown. If I'm honest -and I'm pretty sure that I'm being honest- I hit that place by Wednesday afternoon.

The truth is that I can't even make it through the day without realizing that I'm toast unless I FULLY open up to the Lord and put myself in a position to receive his CONSTANT grace. I wake up afraid to open the door and face the onslaught of kids and their needs. I reach the end of the day empty and with nothing left for my precious, handsome, loving husband. I've reach the point of needing to surrender...

In praying with Scripture today, I read this:
“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.” Mark 2:21,22

HELLO!! Spiritually knocked of my horse! Each new child brings a new season, and with each new season, the old cloth JUST WON'T WORK! I can't have the same expectations of myself (or of anyone else for that matter) when the season changes. I have FIVE children now, not four. I have two who don't nap- not one. I have two children who have a tremendous need for quality time and physical touch- not one. I have a newborn who is actually a PERSON and not just a cute little peanut who should do the same thing EVERY day and respond the same way to the same set of stimuli each time. If I apply my old self and my old ways to this new season in our family,  we will ALL be in big trouble.

It has also been part of my paradigm shift to remind myself as often as possible that THESE CHILDREN ARE GIFTS!! I am NOT entitled to them NOR do I deserve them... when that mindset is properly in place, I treat them a little (hopefully a lot) more like the gifts they are than the burdens that I sometimes treat them to be. And what is it that I feel like they stop me from doing? Folding clothes? Making a meal? Messing around on the computer? Typing a blog post? Talking on the phone? Sitting on the potty in silence? What I do IS ALL FOR THEM, with few exceptions, so why is their actual, physical presence burdensome? 

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life- the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls ones' 'real life' is a phantom of one's own imagination."  -C.S. Lewis 

Maybe this season means that we only go a few places a week. Maybe this season means that I don't sleep in the middle of the day and that I don't get up to exercise and/or pray BEFORE the house rises (which is a daily goal of mine). I shouldn't go to the grocery store with everyone when the listen has more than 5 items on it. This season means that we have NOBODY over 7, and 2 1/2 potty trained kiddos, and one who actually listens the first time... this is the season. It won't always be this difficult I'm told. But even if it is, then the grace will be there if I open myself up to it. And I don't mean reading a book that encourages me and gives me some nuggets to chew on and a shot in the arm. A family retreat won't cure my sinfulness and weaknesses (we will have gone on two in the last 3 months after next week) Because although those things are super important and helpful, they don't take the place of grace and what God can provide for a FULL BLOWN PARADIGM shift... God's big enough. How many times has He done that for others? 

If you see me out in public, know that we may not be able to talk because one of mine WILL run into oncoming traffic with glee... but maybe just remind me that I have tossed the old cloth because the "garment" is new and needs something/someONE different. Fully surrendering to motherhood might be defined as the DAILY taking advantage of grace or crash and burn. If I know what surrendering to motherhood looks like, then maybe I can take steps in that direction.

This is the season...

I should note that the timing of this particular post represents the beginning of this realization need for paradigm shift. I'll let you know when I feel like can say with confidence, "I surrendered to motherhood once I had five."  It's a tall order, but this isn't the first time God has had to do something drastic with me.