An honest confession...

I haven't fasted in almost 7 years...
I have made the excuse that I am either pregnant or nursing, and so I HAVE to go on eating whatever I darn well please because I'm feeding someone else ( I mean, a third piece of cake isn't for me, it's for the baby).

I am not a naturally compassionate person...
When I see that my kids or my husband are sick, my heart doesn't stir toward serving them in their need, it stirs with an ache in the realization that I may not sleep well that night.

I am a yeller...
I am very quick to raise my voice at my children, even Micah. I assume that when my kids are doing something wrong, it's because they are actually choosing to do wrong rather than exploring, learning, or just being their age. I might as well throw in that I curse a lot too...

I am quick to speak, slow to hear...
When my husband brings a genuine concern or shares his heart with me, I jump to defensiveness or to self pity before I think of his needs or share gratitude for his willingness to entrust his heart to me.

I am not a women of strong faith...
I do not always think that God (or my husband) have MY best interest in mind, especially if it involves something that is hard or takes a large sacrifice on my part.

I am not flexible...
If my kids (or anyone else for that matter) changes my plans, especially if it meant time to myself or extra sleep... oh heck, even to go shopping or out to eat) I am not very accepting of the new plan.

My root sin is selfishness...
My knee-jerk reaction is self preservation. It takes a HUGE effort on my part to step outside of myself in order to help those most important to me.

I share this with you so that you will understand why I say that for Lent, I am working on/asking God for a complete overhaul of my heart. I am asking for a new heart, as this Scripture speaks...
I admit that I am nervous about this, but I also desire a new heart more than I ever have in my life. It's no secret that this year has thrown me for quite a loop - and it's not about to slow down. I always talk about dying to myself, but I don't seem to have what I need to truly be able to do it on my own. The problem is that I don't really ask God to help, I only demand that He help because I am entitled to be helped because He's the one who is calling me to all this. As I type it it puts such a terrible taste in my mouth. This life I live is a fulfillment of my deepest desires, and yet without God's grace to help me and to change me - and without living in a way that disposes me to receive these graces God desires to give me- I cannot truly experience TRUE joy and TRUE fulfillment in this life at all!

So I HAVE to step out - as a first act of faith this lent- without knowing exactly HOW God will respond, but I HAVE to believe that He will, that He DOES have my best interest in mind (not mention that He also loves my husband and my children more than I ever could), and that He will "see it through to completion"...  (which is that Salvation of our souls).

If you find this post to seem a bit discouraging, please know that it is meant to be one of hope- PRAISE GOD for the Church's gift of the season of LENT! This is what it's for. I am hopeful and excited for this beautiful gift...


I pray that this Lent be one that you may see and TRULY EXPERIENCE the Mercy and the Love of God.

How's about a Christmas post?

Yes, it is February, but because we don't have a working camera, I am at the mercy of other people's pictures. But here are pictures from the holidays. Interestingly enough we have at least 3 cameras when we're with the Darbonne side of the family and when we go to the Dawson's we have no cameras (besides the phones) and we never remember to take pictures. I promise David has a family, they live in Baton Rouge, and we love seeing them...

 We traditionally pick all the oranges and everyone takes turns juicing them.

 Then there's video after video after video... because you can imagine that with 5 grandchildren under 7, we need down time. They are mesmerized...

 So are the babies...

 Micah was not quite 7 months here... he is now 8 1/2 months. This was the one week span where he sat up without going anywhere. It was a precious time, that has long since been left behind seeing as how he very quickly learned to crawl, to pull up and to cruise before 8 months. Cute cute kiddo

Sarah , Steven, and sweet sweet Isabelle (Baby Belle)

 David and Therese... and then there's Sarah and I... this is a typical scene.

 If I've never introduced her before... this is Dominique Lane Meyer. I think it's safe to say that she and Joseph are dating. They've been together since Jacob was about 7 months old.

 Granny and Grandpa with all the kidlets.

 And here is everybody following the Christmas Eve Mass. We took up nearly the entire front row. Sorry if you found us a distraction, but I thought everyone did fantastic.








Anna Kate (5) Madeline (6) and Therese. This was the most normal one I could get, because they were all taking turns being silly. Silly, beautiful girls!

And here we are!  

Thanks for sticking around to see what the Dawson's are up too. 2014 is going to be wonderful.

January 22...

David says that the high is 19 degrees today. He left Saturday and we miss him a lot in this house. Their trip is called a pilgrimage... There are about 200ish people from the Diocese of Lake Charles marching today. I am so proud of David doing this. I march for life in a different way, but David's sacrifice (year after year) is changing lives, fostering vocations, and bursting open the doors to Christ in the hearts of those who join him. I pray that this bring us hope that THIS generation- OUR GENERATION will end abortion! 

Expecting the Unexpected...

I feel called to share this short, but powerful journey with you...

In the last few days, I noticed that my coffee tasted like cardboard, which is usually the first sign that I am pregnant. The combination of NOT having had my cycle return, the confusing fertility signs that I have been seeing, and the joy of God's grace in Adoration last night, I decided to stop on the way home and pick up a test (which always makes for interesting conversation with the person working at the check-out counter... thanks Casey at Walgreens for making it interesting). I returned home to a loving husband who smiled sweetly, but with a smile that says, "that's cute of you, but you're not pregnant." No blue line... a common occurrence in these months before my cycle returns, but with the previous experiences (2 separate links) of losing children, I think it is far greater to know, love and have lost, than to have never known. Anyway, if Sam's sold pregnancy tests in bulk, I would buy them- some of you out there know the feeling I'm sure.

I sat down at the computer to finish up some online marriage prep training and was asked to answer the following: What does it mean to be a mom? My answer was something like "giving EVERYTHING I am (mind body soul energy) for my children. Nobody can love my children the way that I can. They rely on me to answer the question of if they are loved, if they are worth loving, and if they are treasured." I posted a nice little NFP video on Facebook and called it a night. I returned to brush my teeth and saw a faint blue line...

Now the reason for this post. Could we be pregnant? Is there a soul? I brought it to David with these words, "Well this is questionable!" He agreed. In his support and compassion, he (though having a bit of deer-in-headlights look) pulled me to him and said, "That is questionable. Ok, baby. I love you." You see David and I have been discerning since Micah's birth God's plan for our family. It's a beautiful process that involved more trust and communication than any other method out there, but it especially involves an openness to life... even when it wasn't "planned" per say. David then said to me, "Call Dr Darbonne to see if you have low progesterone this time." At the first sign of a baby, David thought of doing everything we could to make sure we didn't lose another one. What a treasure.

I didn't sleep much last night. 15 months apart. 5 kids. How was I going to do it? How would we afford another baby? What will people say? We weren't being irresponsible. How did I miss God's cues? Trust, Kate and David. I can say that the night was filled with this grace: God focused me on the soul that possibly existed. Another person that is NEITHER of us and BOTH of us at the same time. Shocked? Totally. Overwhelmed? Yes. Scared? Not really- Haven't we see what God has done thus far in our precious little family? Hasn't He been faithful? Hasn't He provided over and over and over for us? I just thought," Well, Lord, You must mean for David and I to share the experience with others about true openness to life."

Micah woke up his usual three times. 1am 2:30am 5:30am. I nursed him twice, wondering if I should keep it up. Naturally after the last feeding I couldn't sleep. I took another test. I pulled out the directions. "Disregard whatever shows up after 10 minutes." Another negative test. So I'm NOT pregnant. . A sigh of relief? A little. Sad? Yes- I spent the night thinking there was a growing person inside of me, but there wasn't. The possibility of a soul.

I share this with you to show you that I am just like anyone else. A desire for control. A longing to "Let Go and Let God," a desire to do His will, a young mom with just about all I can "handle" on a day to day basis. But God gave me a gift in what feels like a unexpected pregnancy- who knows? Maybe I am? It  doesn't look that way at this point, But I have been reminded that life is a gift- it is precious. Let me say that David and I pray that there are more children in our future, we have been reminded that the timing belongs to God- who loves us and provides for the deepest desires of our hearts. My deepest desire is a family- however quickly it grows. Thank you, Lord for a lesson in trust.

Quick December Catch-up

Not much to describe here at the Dawson house... but I happened to borrow my parent's camera, which means I have pictures for you.

 Having more children = more laundry. There are an additional 5 piles on the couch in the background.

 We are praying family prayer with the advent wreath, and Jacob sets up all the chairs for us; then he proceeds to spend the entirety of prayer time switching from one chair/lap to another.

John Paul is like a super brother! Seriously, he is such an awesome kid. We are so blessed to have him in our family.

 Micah Man is meeting one milestone after the other, sitting up, crawling, and pulling up has happened in less than one month... not joking. This is a first for us. John Paul and Therese sat up at 5 months then crawled at 8. Jacob sat up at 5 but didn't crawl until 10 months (which was such a beautiful thing.) This guy...

 If you are wondering, these sets of pj's are worn pretty much every night by all three.

 Is this kid cute or what?

 David and I gave another Domestic Church retreat this past weekend... isn't David so handsome? Sigh...



Our friends the Franco's were participants in the retreat and brought their BEAUTIFUL baby Gianna, who is 2 weeks older than Micah. As Michael said, "Well, they've already attended a married couples retreat together...

And the rest of these are just some shots from around our little lives...

 (This one is Father Nathan Long, our dear friend telling the children the story of Queen Ester for the Jesse Tree)

Advent... an invitation to anticipate

It's always somewhat of a difficulty for me... in these days between Thanksgiving and Christmas when we hear and see "ALL CHRISTMAS 'TIL CHRISTMAS" it feels like I have to be very purposeful in avoiding seeing and hearing it. Why do I do this? I do it because there is a VERY big difference in the the weeks BEFORE a baby is born and the weeks AFTER a baby is born... if you've ever been pregnant or awaited the adoption of a child, I am sure you can relate. I do it because there is such grace that comes with accepting God's invitation to anticipate the coming of the Christ-child... the grace comes through the very short, but very powerful season called ADVENT.

Look at the language that comes with Advent: watchful, vigilant, hope, waiting, anticipation, preparation, journey, rejoice, conversion... Come, Lord Jesus (implying, of course, that He's not here YET).

 I have small children who see Santas EVERYWHERE (which is another controversial blog post entirely) lights, music, Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, etc.... but I really value my family recognizing and living the difference between "All Christmas 'til Christmas" and "From Advent to Christmas." I don't just want to "white knuckle" through Advent and never leave the house so that we're not overexposed to too much Christmas. I don't want my children to resent the season of Advent because they don't get to do the stuff other kids get to do. I have to get creative (which does NOT come naturally to me).  So I thought I would share a list of some things (that other people thought of) that we do in our family while I figure out how to joyfully accept this invitation...

• We wait to put up that Christmas Tree until the 3rd weekend of Advent or "Rose Sunday" as we call it in the Catholic Church (and when the kids ask why our tree is not up yet, I simply answer, "because it's Advent, not Christmas")
•  We let the children journey toward Christmas using a Jesse Tree, which has ornaments that are specific to the old testament stories and people that lead up to and participate in the birth of Christ..
  

•  We pray each night (or almost each night) around the advent wreath with the candle(s) lit for family prayer. We sing "Oh come Emmanuel" instead of the other song(s) we usually sing to end family prayer.
• We don't listen to Christmas music constantly (sorry LA 929, the Lake), but instead we attempt to be intentional in teaching them the Christmas Carols so that when the Christmas season DOES begin, and all throughout the 12 days of Christmas (it's not just a song, who knew?) we can sing and listen to the songs as much as we want! NOTE: Radio stations will stop playing Christmas music pretty much after Christmas day, so you'll have to provide it yourself.
• When we see Santa here and there, we remind them that Santa is a nickname for St Nicholas, who WAS A REAL PERSON!
• The kids actually ask if it's Christmas yet... so we answer them with "It's Advent. Jesus is still in Mary's belly"
• We keep the decorations to a minimum, save this:
  

• After Christmas even we change to statue that is the center of family prayer from the one above to this
  
  (notice Jesus is out of her belly... the kids go nuts of that)
•  We go absolutely CRAZY with excitement in the last week of Advent (which follows Rose Sunday).
• We avoid putting presents under the tree at until Christmas Eve. I notice the kids are usually less focused on "what am I getting for Christmas" when there aren't any presents under the tree.

Why do we do this? Because there is joy and excitement that comes with Anticipation! I LOVE the feeling I get when I hear the readings in mass! It totally prepares us... it's like, "Get ready people. You know that long awaited savior that you and your ancestors have waited for for years and years and years? Well guess what? He's on the way! It's gonna blow your mind! It's gonna be greater that ANYTHING or ANYONE you could ask for or imagine."  We have the awesome advantage of already knowing that the God-man is coming as a humble little baby... on a silent night. AH!! It's so exciting! Please help yourself to some of these advent ideas. I can promise you that it will bring REAL joy on Christmas morning that can last for 12 full days instead of crawling to the Christmas morning finish line where you swear you'll hit someone who even whistles "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas"

God is inviting us... Anticipate!

"Rejoice, Rejoice, Oh Israel. To the SHALL COME Emmanuel"

FINALLY a magazine that's worth reading!!

Verily magazine is a recent publication that a friend is generously letting me read once she's finished. Rarely have I read a magazine cover to cover, and even more amazing, rarely has every article, picture, advertisement be appropriate, tasteful, important, and addressed to me AS I AM, and not AS I SHOULD BE.

The tagline is "For who are are and not who you should be" They do not alter ANY photographs, their articles speak of healthy relationships, modesty, Truth without pushing Christianity (but I'm willing to bet EVERY one of the writers is a strong Christian) and they cover important world issues as well. There's style, grace, relationships, culture, news, it has it all... and without some half-naked woman or hard alcohol on the front cover.

 This is an image from an article about motherhood being the most important job and that your college (and beyond) education is NOT wasted on being a stay-at-home mom.

Imagine a magazine that pushes this idea (left).

This (right) is the picture for an article in their most recent issue about learning your body's natural menstrual cycle, for many reasons other than family "planning".

A quote by Henry Nowen? Seriously, is this magazine too good to be true?!

This article impressed me the most: it addresses the danger of "the villainess mystique" and how this new trend in learning a villain's "back story" leads us (our children) have a blurred understand of good and evil (i.e the problem of relativism). So grateful to see that they are not afraid to address this really scary issue in today's culture.

They even tackle the universal problem of "what is a modest bathing suit" 

I could go on and on. The point is this: There is a magazine that us ladies to read, enjoy, and read life-giving words, receive genuinely feminine fashion tips, and feel like we women are in this together rather than against each other. So grateful for this magazine. Check it out...