Joyful anticipation... or at least attempting it.

Praise God we have arrived at full term (39 weeks and 2 days to be exact), and after a few trips to the hospital, some injections, some expensive prescriptions to stop contractions from causing any trouble, Mary Clare seems to be fully alive, jumpy, and content... you heard me. She's going nowhere.

Rather than worry about every little twinge and timing the daily false labor, I've decided to resign to the fact that I will simply be pregnant forever. It's been quite freeing, actually, because if I'm NEVER going to deliver Mary Clare, then I can get used to the pressure, the contractions, the insomnia, and the mood swings because they will be our family's new pet. See how I make jokes?

I'm not the best sufferer as most of my friends and family know, but I am certainly praying for a spirit of JOY-FILLED anticipation for our newest child. After three miscarriages, to be able to reach full term and meet this newest daughter, there is much to anticipate. This morning, however, it brought to mind the reality that we've had 5 beautiful years with our precious Therese Marie. Everything about her has been formed within this "only daughter" life she's lived so far. It has made her who she is, and oh how we love her so...

She is larger than life, and true to her namesake. Here's a perfect example of their similarities (she with St Therese of Lisieux): When St Therese was growing up, she and her older sister were approached with an offer of a basket filled of ribbons and they were told to pick the one they liked best. St Therese's response? "I want them ALL." THAT is our Therese Marie. Every flower, every beautiful sight, every chance to snuggle, every chance to hold a baby. As my mother says, "She takes life in big gulps." We ride in the van often listening to Therese "singing Polish" while the rest of the car is completely silent. And because Mary Clare is due so close to Therese's birthday (which is March 14th), Therese has already rehearsed what she will say to Mary Clare when they finally meet. "Hi, Mary Clare, I'm your sister Therese and I've been waiting for you, and it's my birthday." She is CERTAIN they we have somehow concocted the best birthday present for her... a sister. Yes, dear,  that's exactly what we did.

So I have here a few more pictures of our life in the Dawson world as we have so enjoyed living in Mandeville. We are grateful for God's providence in bringing us here and in His gracious love in sustaining us. We are blessed indeed...

 Jacob (3 1/2) and Micah (21 months) are a fantastic handful. Jacob is the funny man, and Micah is surprising us daily with what he remembers and has the vocabulary to for. 

I turned 33 last month, and David took them all to pick out special gifts for me. It's hard to see, but John Paul picked out a crown, Therese picked at the rockin' necklace, Jacob picked super larger dangly owl earrings (he must know I'm still a Chi Omega at heart), and Micah "picked out" a Papa Johns gift card. I want to say that David found a beautiful reliquary for our first class relic of St Therese, so now she's visible to us instead of in a little box. We're takin' care of you, Sista. 

Boys Boys Boys

The "Big Kids" of the Dawson grandbabies: Therese (almost 5), Luke (3), Micah (21 months),    Liam (5), John Paul (6 1/2), Ceceilia Jane (22 months), and Jacob (3 1/2). 

And Therese is holding the newest Dawson - Maximilian James, who is the fourth of Pete and Julia. Yes we have our children at the same time. Laugh, but aren't you a little sad that you didn't think of it first? My sister-in-love and I are always pregnant and then nursing together... good times shared with precious family.

When Daddy works from home because Mommy is on bed rest... the mice will play?

Me and my T

Is our 3 1/2 year old potty trained, you may ask yourself? The answer is a resounding NO. Have I thought about training him? Really? Of course I have. Is the stress of training a precious little man who's afraid to teetee, etc worth the complication of NOT having three in diapers? Not even a little bit. I've had three in diapers before and we survived just fine. Potty training is for another time... like when I'm NOT 39 weeks pregnant. There. That's my excuse.

I just love this one. This is her response to, "Therese, smile." I was able to take the older three to our precious next door neighbor's powder puff football game. It was so nice to have them with me, because very soon, it will be David who takes the big kids on outings while I'm home with Mary Clare. Because I was fully aware of this, we went from the game strait to IHOP and had pancakes and hot chocolate! Soakin' it up, y'all!

 Meet Taylor. Our sweet next door neighbor and sole babysitter at this point. Before Therese could remember her name, she would call her, "the girl who is really generous." She's a senior in high school, but we won't talk about that...

And so our family waits- we are so excited to meet our next little olive plant. 

So long until "the birth post"

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes...

To celebrate, here's Jacob (3) and Micah (20 months) singing "Inoculate Mary, You Reign now in Prison"

Be set free...

Yesterday's Gospel showed Jesus' authority. By merely speaking, "Quiet. Come out," the demons were gone...

I write this morning from bedrest- the beautiful and tortuous order from my obgyn because Mary Clare seems to be trying to escape before she's done baking. A few injections and an ultrasound over the weekend stopped the "bad" contractions and revealed that the conditions in the oven are still conducive to baking... I say that contractions are bad because as many of you know, when you're in real labor, bad contractions are good because they are doing their job. In my case over the weekend, the contrations were (what this little weenie of a sufferer considers) epidural worthy, but weren't "doing anything" (to spare in extra details) and were too early to be so intense. Ergo, they were bad.  There, I've justified an epidural in the future. Done.

Now, the reason for this post...

During his homily yesterday, our precious pastor asked a question for reflection: what demons hold you captive? From what do you need to be set free?

This (being the only thing that I heard during the homily) really struck me, and I found myself asking the question all day. I reflected last night on what my answers were, and knowing the true power that Scripture holds... a sword to fight the real battle that is raging in our world today, I decided to dig into what Scripture has to say about my demons that hold me captive at times. I would like to share them with you (just in case you care to know me a little better than you did at the beginning of this post and just in case these also hold you captive) I pray that my openess to share my weakness with the weapon of Scripture will set you free!

First, I will pray an exerpt from St Therese's morning offering: I desire to sactify every beat of my heart, my every thought, my simplest works, by uniting them to HIS infinite merits; and I wish to make reparation for my sins by casting them into the furnace of His merciful love..."

Here goes...

1) "Laziness of Speech" was the way God put it when He revealed this weakness of mine, but we all know is as "Potty mouth Mama" ...

Col 4:6 "Let your speech by always with grace..."
Col  3:8 "Put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and obscene language out of your mouths..."
Matt 15:18 "But those things which come out of the mouth defile a person..."
James 3:10 "Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing... these things need not be so."

2) Anger

See Col 3:8
Eph 4:26 "Be angry, but let it be without sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil." ( I love this one)
Eph 4:30 (really this whole little section is full of good nuggets) "All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you.. be kind to one another..."

3) Fear - this one really grips me, and I am unable to move in any direction. Darn you, Satan, you know how much this one gets me... you jackass (see problem number 1)

Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, I am with you... I will strengthen you and hold you. I will help you."
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your fears on Him because He cares for you."
Phil 4:6,7 "Have no anxiety at all; but instead with prayer and petition, make your needs known to God."
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and He delivered me from all my fears."

These were three of my weaknesses that grip me, and I know that I know that I know that Godd doesn't want ANY walls between He and I ... I pray to be set free, and I pray the you will feel like freedom is His desire for you as well...

January's projects...

Well this is first time in five years that I have not had to post about my internal (and thus turning into external) struggles with the March for Life because (drum roll).... DAVID DIDN'T GO! I have had to freedom of not dealing with anticipatory anxiety of have no Daddy around for 8 days (I know, I'm such a wimp). So what happens on January 22 as I wake up the morning of the march and read the readings and begin to pray for those marching and those who've suffered abortions? You guessed it, I cried  sobbed tears of guilt that I had always been so against David's being a huge part of taking hundreds of children's life-changing experience, and I was a basket case thinking of all the people who've experienced the tragedy of abortion. I'm really just a hot mess, ya'll.

So the day of March, we  did our small part... our own little march for life- because that's what we do mama's, y'all hear me? We march for life EVERY DAY in our homes with our little olive plants! It was in the form of prayers and a picnic lunch...

And this evening, we participated in our first project fair! RCHAL (Roman Catholic Home School Assoc of Louisiana) has been a grace from God to keep me in the loop of what's going on with other home school families on the North Shore (not that we can jump in on everything). After seeing the enthusiam of the kids while reading Little Critter's "Just a Science Project," when I asked the kids if they wanted to be a part of this, they were ecstatic!

John Paul wanted to compare Legos to Megabloks, and so he and David hashed it out one evening earlier this week and he and I put the poster together. He was SO confident when he presented to the group (yes, everyone presented their projects). I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest while I hid behind his poster. He was so confident, he interjected his own opinion here and there, and he was a total natural. When this little man puts his mind to something... that's IT!

Therese Marie initially wanted to do her project on "what makes puppies surprised," but when I suggested something a little less complicated  time-consuming different, she dove right in... Animal Baby's names. We printed simple sketches of different animals, she glued them on the construction paper, and she glittered up her poster. Each picture has the animal's name with the baby's name on top.... did you know that a baby swan is called a cygnet? Who knew? Therese did fantastic when she presented! I could that her face and neck were red, which was a bit of a shock to me, but nobody else could see anything but ADORABLE SWEET and SMART Therese Marie.

And of course, Jacob introduced himself (as "Three years old") and stood in the picture with everyone else. This little man is turning into a funny man (his Granddaddy called this when he was less than 6 months). I am so in love with this kid!

Here's all the hard workers. 

And let's revisit this jaw-dropper...

 Seriously, y'all? I can't handle it...

And to this list of January's projects... I'm 33 weeks pregnant... which means I'm nesting. So look out!

I'm so good at that...

I know absolutely all of you were wondering where I went after my super bold statement that basically says, "bring it on suffering and trials. Ain't nothin' but a 'thang..." So to clear the air, I posted with this confidence 1)before David went down with the stomach bug and mama was running the ship alone and 2) I was knocked in the head with the reminder that confidence in God's grace is key in finding joy (which happened at a retreat the last weekend). So I basically went on my own steam each day until about 10:30 when I put the tv on and fussed at anyone who wasn't sitting still and quiet to watch it, which was followed by fussing at anyone who didn't nap well/was SILENT during the napping phase of our day. And did I mention that David was so determined for me not to catch this bug that he basically banned me from our bedroom/bathroom. I responded so well to all this...

So after a snotty conversation about my placing too much pressure on David to just get better, not trusting that God will provide for our Christmas experience, etc etc etc I found myself at Target after 10 pm on Christmas Adam (the 23rd) buying extra decor and presents for the tree, and food for a Christmas meal and changing my attitude (because isn't Target where we all go to help adjust our attitudes (through the glory of the shoe department?).

By Christmas morning we went to mass our new parish in Mandeville - Mary Queen of Peace and had a beautiful Christmas morning...

...where I now reveal to the world that we still allow our 3-year old to have a passy in church. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm not at all sorry about it.

We headed to Lake Charles for a few days, but no pictures to show for it...sorry. I am not proud of 90% of our sick time. I totally thought I would be better at it than I was. So, get back up, girl!! Satan doesn't care how often we fall. His interest is in making sure we are discouraged enough to stay down...

We returned for a Dawson Christmas at our new house! And this time, we didn't use an iPhone to take the family photo, because our fantastically talented brother-in-love Ross (who is starting up a photography business and also makes yummy Irish Sausage out of his house) has a great camera and a good eye... and that cool thing where you can use your phone to set up a timer on your camera.

 The Family Dawson!

 Cecilia Jan! The crown should permanent, because this little lady is pure royalty!

 Jacob is a master at numchucks... I mean listing the Ninja Turtles by name.

 I just really like Pete in this picture.

 The world famous (and completely unrepeatable) Liam!

And Therese is only 4. I swear.

We spent the rest of the week spending time as a family, because David was off (that's right, the workers of the Archdiocese get 2 weeks off for Christmas... and dad's get 6 weeks off for a baby).

So the following Wednesday I received a call from my hubby that I was on list as a retreatant for a women's retreat in Ticfaw THAT weekend. 1) What retreat? 2) Where again? 3) Who's giving it?     4) How on earth did I get on this list? We still don't know how but we decided to send me... eek!! A retreat!! I should have known that was all Satan needed to make his move...

I almost titled this post "Why they really call it the cry room" because of what happened the morning before I left for retreat. I felt the nudge to get to mass. We used to go every day when David was closer and we could all go together. Since moving to Mandeville, I had avoided it like the plague if I was without my strong man who can fight Micah's 19-month-old-ness. This particular morning I decided to give it a go...
I should preface with this. In Kate's mind, cry room = failure. I'll give you a minute to laugh at me... ok moving on. So by the homily (which takes less than 5 minutes to get to during daily mass), I was in the vestibule of the church with Micah-man while in the pew, Jacob dug through my purse and found my gum and my phone, Therese whimpered that I wouldn't let her come out with me, and John Paul attempted to run the ship in his not-so-quiet church voice. We had a few stares from the lady in front of us, and by the time I decided to go to the cry room with everybody, this same lady actually helped me packed me stuff and shuffle the kids out of the pew... lovely.

So we reach the cry room, which has 1 image in it:

This is called the image of Divine Mercy. Good thing it was in there, because I was about to lay to smack DOWN! Instead I do what I do best. I began to cry, and so was Jacob, who knows that the cry room is for getting "pops" before returning to church with everyone else, and Therese and John Paul had a "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" look on their faces.

I whimpered through the prayers of the faithful until Therese put her arms around me and said, "Are you crying because you miss Daddy?" Yes, I told her. I miss Daddy.

So with Micah and Jacob climbing a window sill and JP and T sitting perfectly still, and my crying causing major Braxton Hicks contractions (oh because let's forget to enter GIANT 32 WEEK BELLY into this picture), we made it to communion time, where everyone was preciously approaching the Eucharistic Heart of our Lord and I was wiping my tears. Who did we receive the Precious Blood from? None other than the lady who helped us pack our things to be banished to the cry room. She blessed all my children saying, "Jesus Loves You" and all I could think was, "Good because YOU don't." See how well I handle difficult situations? I'm so good at not being perfect.

I only spill these stories in this way so that you can see why I miraculously ended up at a retreat over the weekend.... as soon as I arrived one of the retreatants said to me, "Hey were you at Mass this morning at Mary Queen of Peace?" AHHHHH!!

Anne Trufant (owner of a summer camp, speaker, retreat director, mom/grandmother, friend, employer) was the director and spoke on many things, but I took a few major nuggets with me:

St Therese...

Anne described 4 main points about this awesome saint that not only made her a saint, but that gives US the ability to become saints as well.

1) She was COMPLETELY confident in God's ability to do anything!
2) She rejoiced in her weaknesses because of this confidence (like, she got excited when she found a new imperfection... not my reaction to weakness. How 'bout you?)
3) She was humble. She LOVED being a little clump of clay.
4) She was TOTALLY dependent on God.

I picture her (in prayer) crawling up into God's lap and saying, "Ok, God, so I know you want me to do all these things, and I really wanted to be a missionary, but since I'm here in the little cloistered monastary, you're going to have to do all this in me because I can't do it well, so go ahead. I'll just be right here snuggled in your lap."  And operating this way made her a saint. She "didn't pick a pen up off the floor without great love and humility" one biographer said.

I was also reminded that being a mother is how I get to 1) become holy and 2) change the world. We can all agree that the world is not headed in a good direction, and we can all mope over this pretty well. I used to ask, "Well, what can I do? I'm just changing diapers and doing math worksheets and folding clothes (unceasingly) and picking legos up with my toes. How is this going to help anything?"

I see that it is PRECISELY in doing THOSE THINGS that will change the world... IF AND ONLY IF I do them with great love!!

So the moral is that I can do NOTHING. So He has to do EVERYTHING through me!! I pray that I may be a clear vessel for this to go down well, because when I try to run off what I've got in my own tool box, it only lasts until somebody gets a stomach bug or we have to go to the cry room...
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And just when I thought I had the "I've got a lot of kids" excuse to whine and complain.. John Paul drew this in Social Studies yesterday. The question is "Is your family big or small?" and even after a discussion, he drew our family portrait and stuck with his original answer:

 

Ok God... here I come-a-sungglin'

Bah- Stomach Bug... how God lifts up the lowly!

On this 22nd day of December, I write from a house that has been struck with a mild stomach bug. I can say with all honesty that it's really not been that bad... with 2 children checked off the "who's got it" list and one husband currently home early from work sleeping it off, I have some wonderful news to share: from the throws of one of the most difficult parts of being human, God doesn't stop trying to reach us!

In today's Gospel, Mary proclaims her Magnificat: My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord!! A little further into this beautiful proclamation she says to Elizabeth, "He has cast down the mighty from their thrones and has lifted up the lowly!" Today I admit that I fall into both categories: the mighty made low and the lowly lifted up. How is this possible? Well who had Christmas all planned out (well, relatively planned out) and even left all the purchased gifts in Lake Charles in order to save on packing space for when we would return later? Who lined up play dates and outings with sweet friends while we're in town (again when we visit Lake Charles)? And even deeper than that, who planned at all? "Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:15. I am quite humbled in this way...

So what is my response? 1 Samuel:7 "The Lord makes more and makes rich. He humbles, He also exalts." (Today's responsorial) and again in Job "We accept good things from the Lord, should we not also accept adversity?"

So how do I also fall into the latter category? I want to share what it looks like when the rubber meets the road, or when the vomit hits the floor, or however you wish to see it. David and I have noticed just how close he and I feel to one another and just how grateful we are for our precious family. We've hunkered down since Wednesday and done nothing but taken care of one another. Now truth be told, this is the first time since beginning parenting that we've been up at night with vomiting children (no joke... gotta love home schooling). So this being our rookie stomach bug experience it could account for the rose-colored glasses of such an experience, but I choose to believe the God is reaching out in a particular way to show us that He is present in EVERY situation. In our lowliness. Our poorness. Our sickness... He still comes to us!

Maybe Christmas won't look like it normally does, and maybe the rest of the house may come down with it over the next 24 hours, or maybe we are fine by tomorrow and will head to be with family for Christmas Adam (one family's celebration the day before Christmas Eve... get it?). Maybe our Christmas feast may entail the B.R.A.T. diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast).  Maybe I will have to run out and grab a little something for each child to be able to open Christmas morning (because remember all their gifts are in Lake Charles). Maybe David and I will have to come up with some special activities to do during these days of Christmas because we don't want to spread this particular kind of Christmas "Cheer" to anyone else.

God will make it clear soon enough as to what our Christmas 2014 will look like. For now we watch and wait... KIND OF LIKE ADVENT!  Genius, God. Genius. Clearly we needed a lesson that would be unlike others in these last few precious days of Advent. Don't you just love how God prepares us for the most important celebration in the history of man-kind? I can say "YES" with confidence, that while I would have not chosen this kind of prep, David and I trust Him and say, "He has looked with favor on his lowly servant. The Almighty has done great things for me and holy is His name."

God's will be done!

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Oh, and just to clear the air about my possibly being some sort of super-sufferer, you should know that just a mere 8 hours after typing this post, I proceeded to throw a nice pitty party in Adoration and shed my pout-y little tears because I would MUCH RATHER have Christmas the way I KNOW CHRISTMAS. So while I'm sticking to what I have said, it doesn't mean I'm doing it well... 

As Christmas approaches...

Know that the Dawson family is peaceful, joyful, and so very grateful for all of God's gifts- most especially the gift of His Son.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

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